Mattress Firm Austin (courtesy The Truth About Guns)

So I walk into Mattress Firm near the Domain area of Austin. The store has more mattresses than Esti Ginzburg has likes on Facebook. I’ve got to choose between kinda firm, firm, extra-firm and wurtzite boron nitride. Amongst seven brands. With or without cooling gel. On a motorized base. Or not. Factoring in price and Fourth of July promotions. In my attempt to stave off Stendahl Syndrome I find myself doing more mattress hopping than a nympho at a Peter North imitators’ convention. At some point in the proceedings, my shirt rides up to reveal (wait for it) my Caracal C. “Wow, that’s some gun,” the salesperson says (pinkie swear promise). “I’ve got a license,” I reply. “Relax honey,” she says. “You’re in Texas.” Imagine that.

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73 Responses to I Have a Feeling I’m Not in RI Anymore . . .

  1. That’s funny, I was at Nordstroms just down Mopac yesterday; I hate that town except for the food and family. No one saw my piece while I was in town except my dad’s neighbor who pulled his out Saturday morning to show his new EDC and I showed him mine.

      • Well, as of September 1st, and there is still some debate if PDs, DAs, and courts will actually follow the spirit of the law this time since there again is no definition of ”intentionally display”.

        • My lawyer advises to still maintain as much concealment as possible. The new law takes effect 9/1 but is pretty vague about what “inadvertent display” actually means.

  2. After seeing Esti Ginsburgs page, there wasn’t much of a choice between “kinda firm, firm or extra firm.”

  3. Moving to the United States can be a shocking experience.As a fellow refugee from the Comintern of Chicago, I can understand where you’re coming from.

    My first week in my new digs was marked with a visit to a local gun shop.Cue my jaw hitting the floor at the sight of all the ARs and AKs lining the wall.I must have looked like a drooling idiot to the sales guy.

    “Wanna see one ?” He gestures.

    Hell yes.”These are totally legal?” I respond.

    “Just a 5 minute background check”

    Wow.I love America.Here,guns are normal,self defense is legal,and people still say hi to each other.Getting away from the Illinois Politburo was the best choice I ever made.In 5 years time you’ll wonder what took you so long to pull stakes.

      • You obviously haven’t seen how hard it is for foreigners to get a green card, much less actually immigrate. The requirements are so tough I doubt 90+% of US citizens would actually qualify if they had to go through the process.

  4. “Relax honey,” she says. “You’re in Texas.”

    Your RI accent must be shocking down there.

    • Actually, in places such as DFW, Austin and the like, there’s a fair number of northern transplants so they’re rather used to our accents.

    • @Ralph (not that one), RF doesn’t have a RI accent. He speaks Generic American with an almost imperceptible trace of British (’cause he lived there for a long time). But he doesn’t speak Texan. Yet.

      • He will. It comes natural like. I’ve been free for 16 years now. Moved here back in ’97 from the Soviet Socialist Republic of New York.

      • After the first year, you will just be a Yankee instead of a Damn Yankee, you’ll understand, trust me!

  5. Same exact thing happened to me when I went mattress shopping 6 months ago. The full size 1911 was probably a bad choice for the task that particular day.

    • Since he was on private property and well they are gun friendly I don’t think he broke any laws…
      At least in Texas they don’t care lol

  6. Have you met any of those famous Texas women to help you, um, break in the mattress yet? That’s what we really want to know.

  7. Spending 3 months in Texas, that was something I could never get use to. Almost every lady called me “honey.”

  8. Making me nostalgic for my all-to-brief time in Austin. Be sure to check out the Flying Saucer in the Triangle, but leave the gun at home (51% law and all).

    • Oh the flying saucer is great, the ones in DFW do trivia on certain nights of the week, hell of a good time and great beer selection.

  9. Ha glad youre enjoying it out here.

    Ive only been carrying for about a year and that is like my ULTIMATE fear, me failing to conceal and someone calling man with a gun or something.

  10. When you drift down to Houston (be sure to stop in LaGrange for kolaches and homage to the Chicken Ranch) you have got to go to Collector’s Firearms on Gessner. My favorite gun store, but I’m a bit of a nut for weird old stuff. (They’ve got plenty of the normal new stuff as well.) I was looking at old military revolvers on the web the other night and said “Wow, I didn’t know Luxembourg issued (to who? The mailman?) a 10.4 mm Nagant revolver.” But Collector’s had one.

  11. Texas needs to be the out front leader in defending State’s and individual rights under The Constitution.

  12. Eventually you’ll find a curmudgeon. Their attitude is; a Yankees is a person from the North who comes to the South. A Damn Yankee is one who is driving a U-Haul.

  13. Reminds me of an encounter I had with a guy in a parking lot earlier this year, when things were nuts. I have an Arsenal sticker on the back of my truck, and as I was getting out, so was the guy next to me. He recognized it, and said “Hey, they make AK47s, don’t they?”
    I bristled a little and said, maybe a little anrgy “Yeah, and?”
    “Oh. How do you like it? I hear they make good stuff.”

    It’s good to be in a free state.

    • hahaha
      I have a “Keep Portland Weird” (it’s a local thing), a rainbow sticker, and an Obama-Biden sticker on my land rover.
      I call it Urban Camoflage

  14. Keep in mind, however, that Austin is still the most liberal city in TX and one of the most liberal in the entire South. You might get a different result at a mattress store on South Congress 🙂

    • And most the cops in Austin are total assholes (I’m being very nice here). The chief in particular.

  15. Am I imagining things, or do states where people call each other “honey” have decent gun laws, whereas those with anti-gun laws are those where calling someone “honey” will get you arrested for sexual assault?

  16. Had a similar situation at a Mattress Firm after recently moving to FL. Wife and I looking at the different models, she insists on me lying down on each one. I have my Kahr K9 under my untucked shirt and am sorely aware of that fact. Deftly holding down my shirt tail as I ease onto each mattress, then keeping my strong side arm held close to my body, I’m sure I look like a horizontal Herman Munster.

    Wife says I don’t look very comfortable and salesman is now concerned since other customers overhear her comment. I defuse the situation by throwing my weak side hand behind my head and crossing my legs. “Oh yeah, this is very nice!” Eyes move off of me and salesman resumes his pitch. Whew.

    P.S., we didn’t buy from Mattress Firm. Found the same mattress and frame elsewhere for 30% less. Caveat Emptor…in more ways than one!

  17. RF,
    Once I’m back from the sandbox I’d love to have the chance to shoot with you sometime. After my brief stint in Newport for a year, I’m glad we were only “visiting”

    Thankfully, TX isn’t too different from NC so my culture shock wasn’t as significant.

  18. I call B.S.

    If this had really happened in Texas, the salesperson would have recommended a more reliable brand of gun to go with your mattress.

  19. Welcome to the SOUTH! Enjoy your stay, and please don’t bring any of your northern ways down here to spoil it for the rest of us…:)

    • When I moved to Texas in ’97 I had an Upstate NY accent. I list that pretty quick. I was raised in Macon, GA. After a few years, about 10 or so, I asked a native Texan how long it would be before I was considered a Texan. He then asked me the following: do you own property? Yes, Do you like bbq brisket and Willie, of course, do you vote Republican? Yes. Then you are a Texan. lol that’s a true story. If I have my way I intend to die here and be buried in the Great State of Texas.

  20. You think that’s bad. I asked my roommates at college here in NJ if they wanted to go to a local range that rents guns to shoot and they didn’t even think guns were legal in our state. They had never even seen a gun other than a police officers. Yes, it is THAT BAD in the Northeast, or at least Jersey.

    • I’m from NJ and chose to attend a university in a pro-gun state. The night and day difference in attitudes is enough to give me a migraine. At school it goes anywhere from calm indifference to “well duh I own guns”. In NJ it goes from indifference to hard-line mass murdering Stalinist with a handful of proud gun owners sprinkled in somewhere.

  21. Congrats on your new found freedom.

    It’s amazing how positive the gun culture is in some places.

  22. Robert,

    Maybe it wasn’t just your pistol the saleswoman was referring too. Maybe she wanted you to know she was noticing your gun.

  23. Robert,

    Wait a minute…I thought you’d given up the Caracal after its extended sabbatical in the UAE for repairs. When did it come back?

  24. The salesperson must have been a recent relocation to the People’s Republik of Austin as well.

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