Camouflage bathrobe. Ish. (courtesy amazon.com)

Get your minds out of the gutter! “Rise” here has nothing to do with peripatetic pistoleros experiencing terry cloth-clad titillation. It means “increasingly popular.” As in it’s increasingly popular to pack heat in a bathrobe. I know what you’re thinking: why not pack a pistol in your sweatpants pocket? Setting aside questions about being perceived as pleased to see someone, quickly and efficiently removing a firearm from a sweatpants pocket in an emergency is about as easy as convincing your ex to give up her alimony check for Lent. Sure, readers like our svelte Ryan Finn can can slob-carry in sweats with a Remora holster. But OFWGs are SOL with that rig . . .

Provided you’ve got a stout enough robe [not shown above for obvious technical reasons], a light enough gun, a Wild Bill’s Concealment Pocket Packer and the AC cranked up in the summer, a tactical bathrobe is a year-round solution to the problem of chilling-out at home while exercising your human, civil and Constitutionally protected right to keep and bear arms.

Gemini Customs Smith & Wesson 642 in the pocket of a bathrobes.com bathrobe (courtesy The Truth About Guns)

Driving a white car risks immediate suspension of your Man Card. White bathrobes are different. ‘Cause I say so. If you want something a little more macho, or tend to get sloppy with your Welch’s grape juice, the terrycloth bathrobe industry offers a wide range of color choices. Loads of vendors offer the garment in camo—in case tactics demand you exit your trailer.

Clearly, the tactical bathrobe is in its nascent stage. It needs work. I’m looking to convince a clothier to produce a “proper” tactical bathrobe in black (‘natch) with pockets for spare ammo, a knife, flashlight and maybe even a plate carrier front and back. Any other ideas?

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20 Responses to The Rise of the Tactical Bathrobe [Not Shown]

  1. driving a white car is the only solution when one lives in a hot desert climate and being judgemental about petty stuff like that is what should suspend your man card indefinitely…also according to my hunting buddy who happens to be a swat armourer and platoon leader ‘if you need all kinds of gadgets to get the job done,all it means you haven’t got your tactical solutions resolved’…

    • Besides, there’s a world of difference between a white car and a white truck. A white truck says that cosmetics have no bearing on the manly things you and your truck can do.

      At least that’s what I keep telling myself…

  2. I’ve got a white 2o13 Boss 302 in the garage that would dispute that statement about white cars and man cards!

  3. The Wilderness Safepacker goes anywhere, conceals regardless of attire, carries a reload and doesn’t draw attention

  4. I just wear some comfortable tactical-ish cargo shorts, with a belt and a regular holster at home. With a t-shirt and a lightweight vest, and my tactical flip flops, it’s my perfect blend of comfort and concealment for hanging out at home. I’ve never worn a bath robe.

  5. “Driving a white car risks immediate suspension of your Man Card”

    If I was living in a southern state, I would probably drive a white car and own less black clothing. Considering this site recently published a positive supportive story about a post-operation male-to-female TS gun owner that is definitely an interesting position to take.

  6. Any other ideas?

    Yes. Bottle holders for two liters of bourbon, because I’d have to be blind stinking drunk to wear one of those things.

  7. How about a Hugh Hefner inspired tacticool smoking robe?

    I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin. Oh and any color on a Prius negates all manhood.

  8. Work on your tan first Robert before you use white and man card in the same sentence . . . . we have seen your videos of your belly showing. Just sayin . . . .

  9. I’m secure enough in my masculinity to drive any color car and wear any color bathrobe. My car is white and my bathrobe is red. And fluffy, the bathrobe that is. The car’s just dirty.

    • A (female) bartender once told me that if you’re worried about drinking a pink drink, the drink isn’t the problem.

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