Question of the Day: Would You Carry On a First Date?

Reader Nigil writes:

Hey TTAG. I was thinking about going out this weekend and wondered: do your readers carry concealed on a date? As in, with someone who doesn’t know they’re carrying (i.e., a first/second date)?

Of course, it wouldn’t be an issue unless and until things progress to a more, well, physical level. Once he or she puts their arm around your waist you’ll have to be ready to come clean. Of course, if you’re a dood and appendix carry, that could be a selling point. So what say you? Carry on a first date or no?

comments

  1. avatar Ross says:

    I did, it was Australia 97, Glock 19 and the girl is now my wife.

    1. avatar Lolinski says:

      Isn’t (wasn’t?) that illegal?

      1. avatar Jerryboy says:

        who gives a shit?

  2. avatar RKBA says:

    Oh Hell Yes.

    Always. Carry.

    1. avatar jkp says:

      You don’t have to carry ALL the time.

      You just have to carry on the days you are going to need a gun to defend yourself.

      Hmm. Scratch that first sentence.

  3. avatar Colby says:

    The BGs don’t give a crap if it’s your first date.

    Yeah, carry. If she freaks out it wasn’t going to end well anyway.

    1. avatar Mark Horning says:

      Bingo

    2. avatar Bob says:

      +1

      Do you really want to spend time with a hoplophobic anti-gun moron? The sooner you see how she reacts to your gun, the better.

      1. avatar Roscoe says:

        I had that experience once; she saw my duty weapon sitting in a cubby on my headboard the morning after; hadn’t seen it in the dark of night. She freaked; totally hoplophobic anti-gun .

        She (along with her 6 month old baby) was gone in 60 seconds.

        Good outcome.

        It was the mid 70’s, gun control wasn’t even on the radar, and her name wasn’t Elenor.

  4. avatar MurrDog says:

    I’ll appendix carry on a first date.

    “Is that a gun in your pants or are you just happy to see me?”

    “Both, baby.”

    1. avatar Bruce says:

      Don’t get many dates, or at least second ones, do you?

    2. avatar RKflorida says:

      I love it when someone quotes Mae West.

  5. avatar JTPhilly says:

    Depends on whether or not you plan on having a beer (at least in Alabama). Assuming there will be no adult beverages over the course of the evening, absolutely. Keep it concealed, and don’t talk about the issue.

    1. avatar Andy says:

      That’s a county thing not statewide. Here in Madison county I could drink all I want and ccw.

      1. avatar David Trest says:

        I wouldn’t be drinking since as a gentleman I’d probably be driving. Drinking and driving is probably worse than drinking and carrying.

  6. avatar Kirk says:

    “That? That’s my colostomy bag.”

    There won’t be a second date.

  7. avatar In Memphis says:

    I carried on a first date with a woman who also carried. I dont remember why I got rid of her. I make it known up front that I like guns and if she dosnt then oh well.

    1. avatar David Trest says:

      +1. This. There’s a few things about me that I make known up-front and will not be changed. The fact that I’m an atheist and a gun owner are two of them. Don’t like it? Move on. Want to change me? You won’t.

  8. avatar Michael B. says:

    Pocket carry.

  9. avatar imrambi says:

    Yes, carry on the first date. Being single this has crossed my mind multiple times. Even though I do open carry, this would be one time I would not open carry. (I don’t want to start the OC vs CC debate.) If they know me then I would also open carry.

    If you are meeting someone through an online dating site, then I would advise to concealed carry, but I would not let her know that you are carrying at all. Save that for another date.

    You never know when you will need the firearm.

    I have been on previous dates where as far as I am aware, they never knew I was carrying, and that should be the way it is until they get to know you.

    Since you are carrying, and on a date, make sure you don’t make movements to make her feel it when making sudden advances. You do not want her to say “He was making advances and had a gun.”

    Remember be a gentlemen and be yourself.

  10. avatar ColinP says:

    WTF?! not a single comment about that video? Tell me someone watched it, that was hilarious/strange as shit.
    On topic though, in NJ you never have to worry about such things because my state. . . sucks.

    1. I watched it and it was hilarious. 😀 The lady actress did a really good job.

    2. avatar neiowa says:

      True

      Bing on – who is Mircea Monroe

      1. avatar Joke & Dagger says:

        Reminds me of several former “girlfriends”. The role playing thing gets a little weird. But what the hell.

        1. avatar ColinP says:

          Yea that video went way off in a direction i was not expecting.

    3. avatar Lolinski says:

      Memo understood : Dont date someone with father/mommy issues.

  11. avatar Ing says:

    It’s been 18 years (!) since I had a first date, and carrying wasn’t part of the equation back then. I don’t plan on ever having another first date, but if the worst happened and I found myself back on the market, I would carry as usual.

    Like others here have already said, your reason for carrying doesn’t disappear just because you’re on a date. And if your date discovers that you’re carrying and isn’t okay with it, then you didn’t need a second date anyway; it’s better to discover incompatibility early on, when you don’t have anything to lose.

    As for that video…what the *hell*? That was the weirdest thing I’ve seen in a long time. And also it was awesome. And…weird.

  12. avatar MotoJB says:

    Carry on a first date? Yeah, maybe some condoms. Can’t carry legally here in the bay area, CA – so no.

    1. avatar JMS says:

      Of course you can carry legally in the Bay Area. You basically cannot get a permit if you live there, but for residents in other CA counties that do issue CCW permits, those permits are valid anywhere in the State.

      1. avatar Accur81 says:

        MotoJB is probably screwed by an anti gun sheriff who does not deem his life to be worthy of protecting. “May issue” is bullsh!t – the whole nation should be “shall issue.” My apologies, JB. If I was the sheriff there, it would not be the case.

        1. avatar JMS says:

          Right. His county won’t issue permits but that doesn’t mean CCW is banned in that county. Pretty F’d up system but, as mentioned, anyone with a valid CA CCW permit can carry ANYWHERE in the State. It’s a State permit and preemption laws apply. Most of the ‘rural’ counties in CA do give permits without issue. So, for instance, somebody who lives in Roseville or Stockton or Fresno or Yreka or Eureka or wherever could easily get a permit and they could legally carry in San Francisco or Berkeley or wherever else in the State…

        2. avatar Daniel Silverman says:

          Well my Sheriff is a PITA so no CCW for me. But I would if I could. If the girl can’t deal with the fact I am up to my eye balls in gun stuff then ah isn’t the right one!

        3. avatar Aaron says:

          What county are you in?

  13. avatar KevinMA says:

    I’m so happy I’m married and don’t have to go on dates anymore! For the record I had a few internet dates pretty close to that video, as have many of my friends of both genders…

  14. avatar ST says:

    Abso-friggin-lutely.

    Hot women attract stalkers.

    They also have ex boyfriends and husbands,some of whom do not comprehend the word “no”.Should her past pay you two an unplanned visit,you’d best be armed and ready.If your girl has a problem with self defense,waste no further time in her company.

    1. avatar RKflorida says:

      That’s a consideration for sure. Also, if you happen to kill a nasty ex-boyfriend of hers, you might get gratitude sex. Far superior to pity sex.

      1. avatar Ropingdown says:

        Informal polls universally confirm that either gratitude sex nor pity sex comes anywhere close to make-up sex.

    2. avatar uncommon_sense says:

      This actually happened to me … and the really sad part is that I wasn’t even out on a date. I was simply driving a female friend to her car after a night out with friends. When we returned to her workplace to drop her off at her car, her ex-boyfriend was waiting and assumed I was his replacement. His violent behavior — almost crashing into my car, yelling, threatening, denting the hood of my car, and trying to break the windows to get in — totally justified lethal force. However, I didn’t carry at the time so he was lucky that day. And we were lucky that I saw him coming before my friend opened the passenger door.

      I don’t count on luck any more. Nor do I recommend anyone else depend on luck in such scenarios.

  15. avatar Adam says:

    I’d put it out there to begin with that I have an interest in guns and knives. If she seems the least bit apprehensive at that point, there’s no need for a first date anyway. I carry always when it’s legal, though I wouldn’t tell her right away. If ever.

  16. avatar Hal says:

    P238 in a pocket holster. Also don’t breed with the enemy; if you think she would have a problem with it, don’t tell her you’re carrying and use a rubber.

  17. avatar Bear says:

    I live in Virginia, work in DC and play in both.

    I have been known to engineer first dates toward VA if I can help it for two reasons.

    One, I don’t like having to forfeit my right to self defense for any reason if I dont’ have to, and

    Two, I’d much rather patronize Virginia than DC.

    So yes, I carry on the first date. I mean I’m a gun nut. Why even bother trying to keep that hidden? I don’t want a girl that doesn’t like (or at the BARE MINIMUM tolerate) firearms in the homestead and on the person.

  18. avatar Ronaldo Ignacio says:

    Nope.
    Carry in a house of ill repute is illegal in the State of Kansas.

    1. avatar Koop says:

      Interesting. Are houses of ill repute illegal in Kansas? I previously supposed they were.

  19. avatar Pulatso says:

    Hypothetically (as I am married), I certainly would. And until I know her well enough to trust her with that knowledge, its none of her business. But I would be sure to cross the Gun Rights Rubicon early.

  20. avatar Gunracer1958 says:

    Whoa………………

    Things that make you go WTF???????????????

    Carry on first date? Been there, done that………..still packing the same 1911 AND the date 35 years later!

    BTW – She packs too and a 1911 to boot!

    1. avatar Jim R says:

      Sounds like she was a keeper, all right.

      1. avatar Gunracer1958 says:

        How she has put up with me this long? But she can run any of my Dillon loaders, shoots trap and can ride a horse and work a cow…………so I don’t ask!

    2. avatar tdiinva says:

      I am the older than my wife so I carry the 1911 and she carries an M-9.

  21. avatar Steiney says:

    Yes, I would, and have. This is for two main reasons. First; If she won’t accept the fact that I choose to exercise my right to protect myself, then it’s not meant to be anyhow. Second; The wolves of society don’t care if it’s your first date or not, all they need is an opportunity.

    Also, that video was hilarious in the most awkward and unsettling way possible.

  22. avatar Rodney Z says:

    If we are going somewhere where I can, which is almost everywhere I go and I am not going to drink, yes absolutely I would carry. If she’s going to have a problem with that I wouldn’t waist much time with her.

  23. avatar ThomasR says:

    Hell yes! I would carry on a first date, that weird video being another reason why I carry a weapon 24/7.

    It’s the basic question I would ask any one before I would ask them out for a date; do you believe in freedom or slavery. How someone looks at carrying a weapon will weed out the free people from the statist worshiping drones.

  24. avatar MiketheHopsFarmer says:

    Hard to get to second base if she dies on a first date! Bad guys don’t take a night off and neither do I.Carry on, literally.

  25. avatar Steve says:

    I carried on the first date of my last GF, and despite her being too young for a permit, she always wanted one and enjoyed handguns, so it was a non-issue.

    God bless Texas women.

  26. avatar james says:

    How rough do you expect it to get?

    1. avatar Joke & Dagger says:

      I don’t want to leave my piece alone in the room while my Asian “date” takes me down to the steam room.

  27. avatar JMS says:

    Yes. Carry.

    In WA here you cannot carry if you’re in a bar though, or the bar area of a restaurant (if the place or the section of the place is restricted to those 21-years-old and up, then you cannot CCW), so you’d have to be careful about what you were doing on that first date. Also no Post Office visits or outdoor music festivals 😉

    1. avatar g says:

      Given how awesome local microbrews and wine are here in WA, it’s be hard to not take a date to a bar or a restaurant with bar.

      Hell, I still take my wife out on dates just to have an excuse to drink a cold Mac & Jack or Manny’s… so the piece stays in the locked box in the car /house.

      1. avatar JMS says:

        There are plenty of options to enjoy that stuff w/out entering a 21-and-up area. Heck, most of the breweries and wineries are specifically open to all ages, and there are plenty of pubs and such that serve food in sections that are open to families. Just don’t go in the bar area where you have to be 21 or over.

        No, WA law does not prohibit you from drinking if you are carrying a firearm. It becomes illegal if you are “under the influence” of alcohol or another substance as defined by the same rules as for driving (46.61 RCW).

        There is no reason to leave the piece at home just to enjoy a Mac & Jack’s on a date. Just sit in the restaurant section, not the restricted bar section.

  28. avatar Daniel says:

    Women only see/feel the gun when it comes to first impressions.
    If you end up going semi-steady, then only talk about (in the most casual tone possible) the fact that you carry sometimes. Hopefully by that point she’ll understand you’re just a regular guy without any violent inclinations (and, moreover, perceives you as a responsible person), in which case she will be far less likely to mind.

    But should you carry on the first date? All depends upon how wild you are about the girl to risk discovery. Sometimes taking the risk (which is a small risk unless you live in Philadelphia) is worth it, no?

  29. avatar Lucas D. says:

    If me carrying is a deal-breaker for her, then that alone is a deal-breaker for me.

  30. avatar louringe3 says:

    Not only did I carry on our first date, so did my date. Married her 6 mo. later

  31. avatar jwm says:

    Girl in that video was like my first wife. Easy to look at but batsh!t crazy. From personal experience I say to young guys,”Don’t stick your dick in crazy.”

    1. avatar Steiney says:

      Amen, brother.

    2. avatar Accur81 says:

      Disagree. Only sick your dick in crazy if you brought protection for it as well, and had the good sense to conduct operation nooky at least 100miles from your home. Crazy will often rock your world, you just need an effective escape route.

      Not that I have any personal experience in the matter – I think I maybe just read that online some place.

      1. avatar Steiney says:

        If they’re truly crazy, no amount of distance will stop it. I, like you Accur81, have no… Ahem, um… personal experience in the matter. Even with a state between and a good cover, true crazy will always find you.

        1. avatar TheDabbo says:

          I gotta agree Steiney- see also Arias, Jodi. Drove 1,000+ miles, then she only stabbed dude 20-odd times, slit his throat, and shot him in the head.

        2. avatar CarlosT says:

          Was just reading up on the case on Wikipedia. I just love that they mention that it the death was “ruled a homicide.” Uh, yeah, that was a tough call, wasn’t it? Your choices are basically homicide, suicide, natural causes, and accidental. The guy was stabbed almost 30 times, his throat was slashed, and had a gunshot wound in the head, which may have been inflicted post-mortem. Going in reverse order, that would be a hell of an accident that would cause all that, and it’s definitely not natural causes. Suicide seems pretty damn unlikely, especially if the shot in the head did happen after he was dead. So homicide it is then.

      2. avatar jwm says:

        That’s the problem, A81. Crazy will rock your world. Now your married with a kid and think you’re safe. But are you?

    3. avatar AlphaGeek says:

      Counterpoint: I had a friend during my university days (at a mid-sized southeastern-US school) who habitually dated strippers and women of similar stability-to-hotness ratios.

      His working theory was “crazy bitches is the best pu$$y — the crazier they are, the better the pu$$y. You just have to be willing to deal with the crazy.” Given that he was a short-ish guy of modest attractiveness who dated some spectacular female specimens and had outrageously funny yet believable stories to tell, I had to concede that having the coping skills and willingness to put up with high levels of crazy definitely paid off.

  32. avatar JOE MATAFOME says:

    I wouldn’t date anyone who wouldn’t allow me carry or was bothered by my carrying.

  33. avatar james says:

    Gun? check. Gloves? check. Duct tape? check. Chains? check. Shovel? check. Room in the trunk? check.

    1. avatar jwm says:

      M’kay, this is why we should all carry all the time^^^^^^

      1. avatar iuvenal says:

        “He’s about to enter the shit tornado to Oz”

  34. avatar James MacKenzie says:

    Don’t concealed carry. Instead, take her shooting.

  35. avatar Ralph says:

    If you carry the rest of the time, then of course you should carry on the first date.

  36. avatar Alex says:

    Had a girl ask ME out for some date night her sorority was doing this last fall. I showed up carrying, and the activity turned out to be a Utah Jazz game. We got to the game and I saw metal detectors at the entrance. Since it was a first date, I really did not want to bring up the whole CCW thing, and told her I left my wallet in the car and needed to go back. She insisted on going back with me, and despite my best attempts at sleight of hand, spotted me sliding my gun and holster under the seat. Luckily she was cool with it. Could’ve been awkward. I still carry on first dates, though.

  37. avatar OHgunner says:

    Of course I carry on a first date…. I’ll need it if my wife catches me!

    1. avatar Matt in FL says:

      If this was a weekend caption contest, you’d have won.

  38. avatar Nate says:

    just because you are on a date, does not mean the world of evil stops for you. just sayin so yep, carry on.

  39. avatar Robert Farago says:

    Uh-huh. The question is, do you TELL her you’re carrying?

    1. avatar Ralph says:

      Yes. And if she asks if she can touch it, you are soooooo in.

  40. avatar KCK says:

    I met my wife in 1964 (5th grade).
    She move away sophomore year 1970.
    I bought a single six in 1976.
    She came up to visit a common friend.
    Hadn’t seen her in 30 years.
    Bang, She moves back up 3 moths later (from TX).
    I must have been the reason.
    Starts to claim that the SA .22 revolver isn’t enough.
    Keeps bugging me.
    All within a year I get an XD40 and
    Wis passes CCW and she wants something so…PK380.
    Now we’re cookin’.
    I need a carry, S&W Shield.
    Something to plink with SR22and 10/22
    9mm trainer S&W M&P
    Bought my son a PX4 and a PPK
    Then a planned AR purchase a day after Sandy Hook.
    All pretty much because of her.
    Not too shabby
    “First date after 30 years?”
    I wasn’t carrying, but I was “packn'”.

  41. avatar neiowa says:

    If she finds that you’re carrying on the 1st date you either need to work on your method or find a better class of gal.

    Score points for being prepared to protect her.

  42. avatar Gov. William J. Le Petomane says:

    All depends on the thickness of the beer goggles necessary.

    1. avatar Ropingdown says:

      Now I understand why you’re the Governor. That’s political wisdom right there.

      1. avatar Gov. William J. Le Petomane says:

        A blood alcohol of 0.08% or higher invalidates my CCW in my state. I guess either way, if she’s worth impressing I won’t need the alcohol, and if she’s not I won’t be so concerned about ruining the date with an aggravated misdemeanor arrest.

  43. avatar Don says:

    Carry on a first date? That’s an occassion to bring out your sunday gun! We’re talking the 1911 or N frame Smith with exotic wooden grips in a nice leather holster! Gotta be classy on the first date.

  44. avatar Mark N. says:

    My last “first date” was July 1985. In San Francisco. And no, I wasn’t carrying; back then, only DiFi had a CCW. Not much has changed in SF since then–except that she gave up her permit.) And I moved where CCWs are issued for personal defense.

  45. avatar CharleyM3 says:

    I carried on 3 first dates last year. None of them knew that I was carrying at the time. The one that I came to love is taking her concealed carry class next month.

  46. avatar Chris says:

    In the words of the great Ivan Chesnokov:

    GIRL WHO HAS FEAR OF GUN IS NO GIRL FOR GOOD CONSCRIPT. IN RED ARMY WE HAVE MANY WOMEN SNIPER, THEY SHOOT STRAIGHT AND KILL MANY ENEMIES OF PARTY. IS BETTER FOR YOU SHE WAS BAD GIRL WITH NO TASTE FOR WEAPON; NAZI HECKLER AND KOCH ONLY SENDS MESSAGE THAT YOU WILL SHOOT JEW. IF SHE WERE LIKE GREAT LYUDMILA PAVLICHENKO SHE JUST LAUGH AND BAIL ON YOUR ASS FOR CARRYING DUMB NAZI BRICK OF HIGH PRICE.

    IN RUSSIA WE ALSO HAVE RULES OF COURTING. DO NOT BRING SIDEARM TO FIRST TIME WITH GIRL. SENDS WRONG MESSAGE, THAT YOU ARE BAD CONSCRIPT WHO WILL RAPE GIRL. ON FIRST TIME HAVE DISCUSSION OF GLORY OF PARTY AND DEFENSE OF MOTHERLAND. ON SECOND TIME MANY DRINKS OF VODKA TO MAKE GIRL WANT FUCK; MATCHING ENOUGH DRINKS MAKES DANGEROUS TO CARRY SIDEARM. ON THIRD TIME IS DEFINITE FUCK. AFTER THIS YOU MAY BRING SIDEARM ALL AS LIKED.

    Silly Ivan quotes aside, I think the advice holds. Unless the girl is already known to be pro-gun, I suggest waiting until the girl knows you well enough to know you’re not a psycho…

  47. avatar uncommon_sense says:

    Carry on every date no matter what. If your date discovers that you are armed, they will appreciate the fact that you have the means to defend him/her from an attacker. If your date doesn’t like the fact that you carry, better to learn that right away and end the relationship right then and there.

  48. avatar William says:

    I’d love this question, if I at all believed anyone on TTAG was awaiting their first date.

    Would you pack on your LAST date? Might be a more relevant question.

    1. avatar Patrick says:

      +1
      So true

  49. avatar A-Rod says:

    I think Murphy’s Law is in this one – no matter what you do it will be the wrong decision. Carry – if you carry too big she might think you are making up for something. Carry too small and she might giggle. If you do not carry she might be and you will or she’ll make you feel inadequate. You not carry and she not carry and something bad happens… Well crap. The possibilities are endless and Murphy says no matter what- you made the wrong decision. F U Murphy!!!!

  50. avatar Wmc85 says:

    Carry a Magnum and a Magnum.
    No .25 ACP jokes.

  51. avatar Soccerchainsaw says:

    You know, some of those folks you meet on Craigslist can’t be trusted…

  52. avatar Alex .Q says:

    Yup I’ll carry, it doesn’t make any difference where I am at or who I am with. As long as there is no pat downs by the doormen or signs where firearms are not allowed.

  53. avatar Amarante says:

    Carry if you don`t intend to drink alcohol.

  54. avatar "Dr." Dave says:

    I always carry.

  55. avatar Pat says:

    If ya meet the lady at a gun function and that’s the topic of discussion, then you can carry. Otherwise no (in most circumstances).

  56. avatar Joke & Dagger says:

    Met my current female at the range. How cool is that?

    1. avatar Pat says:

      Done and done. Yer covered.

  57. avatar HeyJax says:

    If it becomes necessary to defend yourselves she will be all over you. Well once you get out of police custody.

  58. avatar wvumounties8 says:

    I have and always will. I usually let the date know prior to, that I am pro 2nd Amendment and a CWP holder and carry daily. Have had no problems, yet. Remember, if the date leads to long term relationship and she or he is anti, you have set yourself up for either confrontation or heartbreak. And, Dr. Phil is through for the day!

  59. avatar Pro-Liberty says:

    I have carried on first dates before, including the one with my wife, and I hope to never have a first date again. 🙂

  60. avatar Matt in FL says:

    How did I miss this post for two days?

    Amazing video. A-mazing.

    And yes. I would carry on a first date because I carry everywhere else.

  61. avatar Jerryboy says:

    i OC everywhere possible, so any girls who may be interested in going out with me already know that there will be a gun present, and since i believe in only courting if i’m looking for a future spouse, it saves time and effort.

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