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Sunday’s Gun Tweet of the Day arrived in the form of an ad hominem attack on gun owners from comedian Jim Carrey. Mr. Carrey announced that his new song “Cold Dead Hands” was dedicated to the “heartless motherf%ckers unwilling 2 bend 4 the safety of our kids.” That track is now available at funnyordie.com, leading some to wonder if the url is a serious question. The song’s main thrust (so to speak): gun owners have a small penis. Quite why Carrey would want to lampoon Charlton Heston’s sexual organ in particular is anyone’s guess, other than some childhood fascination with George Taylor’s loincloth in Planet of the Apes. Just sayin’ . . .

77 Responses to Jim Carrey’s Anti-Gun Diatribe Based on a Dick Joke

  1. Somewhat ironic, the small penis humor, given that one of Hollywood’s most prolific whores- which is saying something- ridiculed the self-admitted mentally ill Carrey while divorcing the guy. No self-awareness, these grandiose narcissists who use their genius to run our lives.

  2. Great, another has-been desperately trying to be relevant again. Nobody cares about you Jim, you had your moment loooooong time ago, and even then you were more creepy than funny. Oh, and keep my average penis out of this. Thank you.

  3. I’m supposed to feel all beaten down because a guy who makes creepy videos declaring his love for barely-legal girls says so? Yeah, not so much..

    • This.

      Due to the institutional dishonesty and corruption which has pervaded modern journalism (I use the term loosely), I am pretty choosy about whom I accept political and philosophical advice from. Sorry Jim, but a failed actor who sold life-saving vaccines down the river simply because he wanted to continue bare-backing Jenny McCarthy doesn’t make that list. Nor do any vapid celebrities for that matter. Also, aren’t you a Canadian? Go home and take Piers Morgan with you. Don’t let the door hit you in the @ss on the way out Ace Ventura.

      By the way, it takes a REALLY big man to demean a dead guy. Chuck Heston was a civil libertarian who marched with Martin Luther King. You will NEVER be as intelligent, as respected, as loved or as successful as he was. Have fun dying in obscurity.

  4. His whole career is a dick joke. His time is up, and he is doing anything he can to stay relevant. He has picked a side. I’ve already picked mine.

  5. He is a “has been”. I won’t justify his effort by visiting the website. Best to ignore him like a troubled child. No reason to take him seriously.

    • You didn’t like Fire Marshall Bill Burns? OK… It WAS 20 years ago, when his career was ahead of him.

    • Did, Anyone, “Ever”?…[pay him, Any Attention?];With

      his Stupid, Inane, Idiotic, Sensless, Bad Attempt, at Comedy?…{Psssst. Not Worth my Time, Even getting upset, with this . Fool!…

  6. Yup. If we’re smart, this is as close to a “hit” as his video gets from us. It’s not worth a “down-vote” or whatever, just let this goofy bastard slide back into obscurity, where he belongs.

  7. I really liked movies. I thought he was funny and a nice guy.
    I feel a little betrayed that he gave me the finger and is making fun of me.

  8. BTW, Carrey doesn’t seem to be aware that there are a lot of women who own firearms as well as having carry permits.

    Does he think they’re compensating for something too?

    • They’re probably compensating for the fact that they can’t fend off an attacker twice their size without a technological advantage. For that matter, I use a gun to compensate for the fact that I can’t fight off three or four armed or unarmed attackers without some sort of technological upper hand.

      The thing about the antis who immediately resort to juvenile slurs when confronted by vigorous defenses of self-defense is that they seem to have forgotten what the world was like prior to the introduction of the firearm. If you want civilizations that are defined by feudalism, rape, murder, and the tyranny of the young and physically strong as well as one in which women are forced to depend on the forbearance or protection of men to make it through their lives without being sexually assaulted, then a gun-free world is the one for you.

  9. A comment I read elsewhere says that he is making fun of the NRA and Charlton Heston and NOT us as individual gun-owners and gun rights advocates.

    Um…okay, then why the ”heartless motherf%ckers unwilling 2 bend 4 the safety of our kids.” reference? Exactly.

    Maybe he’s suffering from a sexually transmitted disease, like Al Capone, and his mind is slowly deteriorating? I mean, he did throw his banana down the wind tunnel that is Jenny McCarthy.

  10. As far as I am concerned, he is the same as Piers Morgan. I know that Carrey has dual citizenship, but what gives a native Canadian the right to come to our country and mock people here about how things are done?

  11. I’ve enjoyed some of his movies, though never been a devoted fan. Meh. This shot is way too feeble to merit any kind of serious response.

  12. I miss Fire Marshal Bob.

    The man hasn’t been any kind of funny since he left Living Color all those years ago.

  13. Ask him how many kids have been killed with “assault weapons” vs. the lie that vaccines cause autism. A lie that he supported.

    • Most people here refuse to believe vaccines cause autism, though there’s a direct link.
      Keep on making your kids “safe” with those shots, morons! And look at your kids when they’re forty and can’t live on their own… and tell them it was all to “protect” them.

        • Agreed….Jim Carrey’s” vaccines cause autism” lies will harm more people than assault weapons ever will. I guess he has a track record with not being able to understand data.

      • Go to an old cemetery and look at all the graves of children. Imagine telling the parents of those children that in the future people will have available to them vaccines that will keep children from dying of the horrible diseases that cost them their children, but will refrain from doing so because a jackass scientist with an axe to grind told people it would slightly increase the chance of a behavioral disorder.

        Imagine the parents of those old dead children looking at you like you were crazy, because you ARE.

        Now, I do know for a fact that it was vaccines that caused building 7 of the WTC to collapse. That’s completely indisputable.

      • ok right after you go look into the eyes of those 1121 children’s parents that have died from PREVENTABLE DISEASE since jim “baby killer” carrey started his propaganda crusade to kill children.

  14. http://old.nationalreview.com/comment/comment-dreyfuss082002.asp

    It has become fashionable to characterize [Heston’s] politics… People are either defensive or patronizing (if not contemptuous). I can only say I wish all the liberals and all the conservatives I knew had the class and forbearance he has. Would I be as patient or serene when so many had showed me such contempt, or tried to make me feel stupid or small? I doubt it, truly I do. This is dignity, simply and completely. A much more important quality than political passion at the end of the day, and far more lacking, don’t you think?

  15. He is a COMEDIAN. Nothing more.

    His comments should thus be regarded as farce.

    Entertainer not policy wonk.

    Laugh him off.

    Or just ignore.

    • Call me nuts, but I thought a COMEDIAN was, by definition, supposed to be FUNNY. Ol’ Carrey here is just an annoying, self-righteous prick.

      And “Gun owners have tiny willies?” Way to work that fresh material, Lloyd Christmas. Keep it up; I’d love to hear your thoughts on the quality of airline food in relation to regular food, or perhaps you could list all the wacky and immediately relatable things that men and women don’t have in common. Ha ha! I’m sorry, I was just thinking of how funny it would be if a comedian ever did jokes like that. Ha ha ha!

  16. so this whole thing is because we have small penises? what do you call a washed up has/never was been that has body guards to protects their skinny 150 lbs ass fancy cars and a big house….i call that person a pussy

  17. He’s an assclown used by the Obama admin to distract our efforts from the real problem! Do what America has already done to his TV ratings, just turn the channel! His thoughts on so called gun control are as stupid as he is! I have heard stories in the past about him on movie sets, always thinking he’s the most important actor on the set. VERY HRD TO WORK WITH AND GET ALONG WITH! A true assclown!! I agree, IGNORE HIS ASS!!! Everyone else already has…

  18. The guy that got famous by talking out of his a$$, makes a video, as well as tweets out his a$$, and we’re surprised?

    He should go back to ignoring Jenny Mccarthy’s kid, and stick to espousing more dangerous rhetoric about vaccines.

  19. Not that I watched the video but I see he has someone portraying Ghandi there. Is he aware Ghandi was pro-gun and thought that disarming his people was a terrible crime by the Brits?

    • Yeah… Like this
      Makes me wonder if the returd had a “StarTrailer” on the set of his movies or just rode the short bus back & forth.

    • I’ll label this info as “fun fact of the day.” I had no idea, but thanks for the info, you too, jimbthepilot.

  20. Fact: the more you resort to manhood insults in arguments the higher likelihood you have to suffer from micropenis. The More You Know.

  21. The fact that it’s news that someone is lampooning Charlton Heston as part of the NRA, 10 years after he left the organization, 5 years after his death, shows what a great asset Heston was to the NRA. It also shows what a courageous move it was for him to step up. His service lifted both the NRA’s stature in the American psyche, as well as Charlton Heston’s own position. People can criticize his politics, but you can’t criticize his passion. It was a win-win, it was the right thing to do.

  22. I don’t understand why the wingnuts are so fascinated with our johnsons. I certainly appreciate the concern, but I have no intentions of satisfying their, uh, curiosity.

    • Funny, we’re obsessed with our equipment yet they always bring it up.

      We all know Jim Carrey is pretty insane, he has to be in order to do what he does (check his stand up material) and it’s obvious he wants in on the gun fame. It’s pretty cut and dry, comedians rarely operate in reality, comedy is a way to escape reality and the best comics develop through years of using comedy as a coping mechanism for their disturbing past. Never trust an actor and don’t believe a word a comic says.

  23. entertainer seeks to capitalize on and divert media attention to themselves for their own narcissistic purposes.

    in other news, the sun rose.

  24. “No no, she’s right,” said Zeb, patting the enormous pistol on his hip. “This is a penis substitute. After all, if I could kill a man at a range of thirty meters with my penis, I wouldn’t need to carry this thing around, now would I?”
    Citizen of the Galaxy — Robert A Heinlein

  25. “No no, she’s right,” said Zeb, patting the enormous pistol on his hip. “This is a pe**s substitute. After all, if I could kill a man at a range of thirty meters with my pe**s, I wouldn’t need to carry this thing around, now would I?”
    Citizen of the Galaxy — Robert A Heinlein

    • I need to read this book. Heinlein gets more awesome everytime I hear about him/read something from him.

    • Pardon, sir or madam;
      There’s no “Zeb” character in “Citizen of the Galaxy.” Nor would there have been a pe**s reference in it, as it was written for a juvenile audience. In 1957.

      Zeb (Zebadiah Carter) was a character from “The Number of the Beast…” And I don’t recall that particular scene from it, either.

  26. Michael Moore already took a cheap shot at an aging Heston. He tried to make Heston look old and addled but it didn’t work because Heston was a gentleman, something Moore and Carrey would know nothing about. How brave of Carrey to attack the dead.

  27. Hey guys, I know how to get all the gun-rights dudes to capitulate on disarmament. What’s the one thing all men are terrified of? Having their audience learn how small their dick really is! Right? Amiright? Guys…?

  28. Jim Carrey is planning on staring in KICK ASS 2. Not surprising, the hypocrisy is as thick as the smog that covers the Hollywood sky line.

  29. I found the video very funny.
    But this :
    “Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India, history will look upon the act depriving a whole nation of arms as the blackest.” ~ MAHATMA GANDHI
    is even better.

  30. He’s just trying to reclaim his 15 minutes of fame. He’s a joke. And he is probably ashamed of his small genitals since he clearly can’t keep and satisfy a woman. Kind of makes you feel sorry for him….nah, not really.

  31. I’ve an idea for his next movie… Bruce All Gun Grabby.. about a washed up hypocritical comedian sleeping in his car because no one will pay to watch his sorry ass attempts at pathetic humor after he insults his adopted country and the rights of those who fought and died to make her free.

  32. I supposed everyone already knows about the shocking thing Renée Zellweger said she’d discovered about him; though, it wouldn’t be kind to mention it here.

    Perhaps Jimmy-boy will set an example by moving to a large city such as Detroit or Chicago and tell us what it’s like to live in a gun-control paradise, where lots of shooting takes place, but no return fire is allowed.

    Latest paparazzi photos show Jimmy-boy has gained lots of weight and can’t fit into his skinny jeans any more. Such a price he’s paying for having no work and no exercise.

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