Ninja Gun (courtesy kitchentable.blogspot.com)

Let me set the scene for you. You’re a 17-year-old gangbanger, riding around Chicago with your super illegal handgun, trying to impress the fine ladies that have chosen to grace you with their presence. And, as we all know, nothing turns the ladies on like the thrill of danger. So you whip out your piece and start playing with it in the car. And by “piece” I mean handgun, just for clarification. I think you can see where this is going. From the Chicago Tribune . . .

Eventually, the boy, who has gang ties, told police he was driving in a vehicle with several female friends when he was playing with a gun and it discharged in his lap and struck him.

Medical personnel were also able to determine that the shooting was self-inflicted, Mirabelli said. Officials had said earlier that the bullet had a downward trajectory on its path in his inner thigh.

So there you are bleeding, possibly dying, facing the possibility that you’re about to be booked for illegal possession of a handgun, illegal concealed carry, dischardging a firearm within city limits, discharging a firearm across a road, and God knows what other draconian laws Chicago has in place to “stop gun violence.” What do you do? Obviously, you lie like a rug. But apparently some of us are better at making up stories than others.

[T]he boy told police he was outside on the 3300 block of North Harlem Avenue at 7:20 p.m. when two men dressed in black and wearing Ninja masks jumped out of a black van, said Mirabelli. The boy initially told police at least one of the men had a semi-automatic handgun and shot him, (Chicago Police Department News Affairs Officer John) Mirabelli said.

Ninjas. Nice. Three morals of this story.

First, don’t try to lie to cover up your idiocy — it just makes things worse. STFU and call your lawyer.

Second, this kid was like hitting the Chicago gun law lottery. He didn’t have a FOID card, yet he owned (or at least possessed) a firearm when doing so is illegal without said card. And he was carrying it in a state that has no concealed carry provisions. Proof positive that gun control laws only apply to the law abiding.

Third — and say it with me folks — never point a gun at anything you don’t want to shoot.

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34 Responses to Irresponsible Gun Owner of the Day: Unidentified Chicago Gangbanger

  1. To claim it’s ninjas is offensive to ninjas.. They don’t use handguns.. they use mind control rays darnit!

    • First of all, ban rice straw. Without bundles of straw against which to practice with swords, they’ll be out of practice and relatively harmless.

  2. Congrats to the first Chicago gangsta to shoot himself since Frank Nitti. Kudos! I hope that the young man clipped a few of those damn ninjas too.

    • 17 years old, with gang ties, and making the conscience decision to not only illegally carry a firearm, but brandish it and treat it like a toy…

      …but don’t worry. He’s totally an innocent little “boy”.

  3. He has what it takes to rise to high office as a Dem pol…probably mayor of Chicago one day, maybe even POTUS.

  4. I was wondering if this story would make it into the IGOotD archives. The ninja story line made more than a few repeats appearances over the scanner as local PO’s were having some fun attributing various calls to ninjas.

    Also, every story here that references the individual’s age as being <18 = boy (or girl). While I wouldn't necessarily call this individual a man, boy seems too innocent. "Teenager", "gangbanger", "thug", "dumbass", "societal parasite" would all be more fitting than "boy".

    Illustrating Chicago’s Murders, Homicides, Violence and Idiocy at heyjackass.com

  5. In light of recent events, the Chicago City Council is meeting tomorrow to discuss banning ninja masks within the city limits. Any proposed legislation will most certainly find support from Mayor Rahm Emanuel and the newly formed community group, Mayors Against Illegal Masks.

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