Irresponsible Gun Owner of the Day: Unidentified Chicago Gangbanger

Ninja Gun (courtesy kitchentable.blogspot.com)

Let me set the scene for you. You’re a 17-year-old gangbanger, riding around Chicago with your super illegal handgun, trying to impress the fine ladies that have chosen to grace you with their presence. And, as we all know, nothing turns the ladies on like the thrill of danger. So you whip out your piece and start playing with it in the car. And by “piece” I mean handgun, just for clarification. I think you can see where this is going. From the Chicago Tribune . . .

Eventually, the boy, who has gang ties, told police he was driving in a vehicle with several female friends when he was playing with a gun and it discharged in his lap and struck him.

Medical personnel were also able to determine that the shooting was self-inflicted, Mirabelli said. Officials had said earlier that the bullet had a downward trajectory on its path in his inner thigh.

So there you are bleeding, possibly dying, facing the possibility that you’re about to be booked for illegal possession of a handgun, illegal concealed carry, dischardging a firearm within city limits, discharging a firearm across a road, and God knows what other draconian laws Chicago has in place to “stop gun violence.” What do you do? Obviously, you lie like a rug. But apparently some of us are better at making up stories than others.

[T]he boy told police he was outside on the 3300 block of North Harlem Avenue at 7:20 p.m. when two men dressed in black and wearing Ninja masks jumped out of a black van, said Mirabelli. The boy initially told police at least one of the men had a semi-automatic handgun and shot him, (Chicago Police Department News Affairs Officer John) Mirabelli said.

Ninjas. Nice. Three morals of this story.

First, don’t try to lie to cover up your idiocy — it just makes things worse. STFU and call your lawyer.

Second, this kid was like hitting the Chicago gun law lottery. He didn’t have a FOID card, yet he owned (or at least possessed) a firearm when doing so is illegal without said card. And he was carrying it in a state that has no concealed carry provisions. Proof positive that gun control laws only apply to the law abiding.

Third — and say it with me folks — never point a gun at anything you don’t want to shoot.

comments

  1. avatar ready.fire,aim says:

    stupid is stupid does

    1. avatar SD3 says:

      Remember when Tupac blew off one of his nuts? New call sign “Onepac”?

  2. I’m torn. Should I laugh or should I feel bad for….oh who am I kidding?…LOL!

  3. avatar Pantera Vazquez says:

    One Two Three-You all hit the nail on the head.

    1. avatar Bryan says:

      Or in his case I guess he used a real “Tack” driver!

  4. avatar spartan181 says:

    To claim it’s ninjas is offensive to ninjas.. They don’t use handguns.. they use mind control rays darnit!

  5. Hey now…Ninjas are responsible for most of my acci, er, attacks. They’re a scourge I tell you…Very dangerous. We need to do something about them!

    1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      First of all, ban rice straw. Without bundles of straw against which to practice with swords, they’ll be out of practice and relatively harmless.

  6. avatar Ralph says:

    Congrats to the first Chicago gangsta to shoot himself since Frank Nitti. Kudos! I hope that the young man clipped a few of those damn ninjas too.

  7. avatar sdog says:

    ninjas?……..woooooow, pretty dumb (on top of shooting himself).

  8. avatar ChuckN says:

    So very close to a Darwin award. Maybe next time.

    1. avatar ready,fire,aim says:

      yet another child left behind LOL

  9. avatar Carry.45 says:

    So adrenaline makes you stupid as well. More proof that training is crucial.

  10. avatar In Memphis says:

    Hes old enough that I dont feel bad. Old enough that its a shame he wasnt removed from the gene pool

  11. avatar FrankM says:

    Seventeen years old and the media calls him a boy.

    1. avatar Derek says:

      17 years old, with gang ties, and making the conscience decision to not only illegally carry a firearm, but brandish it and treat it like a toy…

      …but don’t worry. He’s totally an innocent little “boy”.

      1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

        He may be nearly adult, but I’d not dignify him by calling him a man.

  12. avatar conard says:

    He has what it takes to rise to high office as a Dem pol…probably mayor of Chicago one day, maybe even POTUS.

  13. avatar surlycmd says:

    It would have been better if he had sterilized himself.

  14. avatar Watchmen lewis says:

    thats what ya get when u pee in someones genes pool

  15. avatar Jesus says:

    Everyone knows that real ninja use silencers.

  16. avatar Thomas Paine says:

    and he’ll be out on bail in about 10 minutes.

  17. I swear officer, it isn’t mine! I was holding it for a friend! And then these damn ninjas showed up! They shotted me!

  18. avatar C says:

    Ninja, please. He should be thankful that he didn’t blow his dick off.

    1. avatar g says:

      +1

      NINJA PLEASE. Everyone knows ninja don’t use guns… he should have blamed pirates. Ha!

  19. I was wondering if this story would make it into the IGOotD archives. The ninja story line made more than a few repeats appearances over the scanner as local PO’s were having some fun attributing various calls to ninjas.

    Also, every story here that references the individual’s age as being <18 = boy (or girl). While I wouldn't necessarily call this individual a man, boy seems too innocent. "Teenager", "gangbanger", "thug", "dumbass", "societal parasite" would all be more fitting than "boy".

    Illustrating Chicago’s Murders, Homicides, Violence and Idiocy at heyjackass.com

  20. avatar Alex Peters says:

    In light of recent events, the Chicago City Council is meeting tomorrow to discuss banning ninja masks within the city limits. Any proposed legislation will most certainly find support from Mayor Rahm Emanuel and the newly formed community group, Mayors Against Illegal Masks.

    1. avatar Joe Wright says:

      Rahm likes boys.

  21. avatar BDub says:

    I hopes da fine ladeez is aw’ight!

  22. avatar Tom in VA says:

    Even though he is 17, he most likely voted for HugOBama, more than once!

  23. avatar My Name Is Bob says:

    Lol, another story with a happy ending!

  24. avatar W. Morris says:

    He surely needed an ambulamp! HA, HA

  25. avatar GS650G says:

    And laws passed in New York will prevent this from happening in Chicago, or something like that

  26. avatar fuque says:

    Im wonder how he explained the powder burn away.

Write a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

button to share on facebook
button to tweet
button to share via email