We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Embroiled in a heated disagreement with our spouse, the thought fleetingly enters your mind: Why the hell am I married to this person? Alfredo Malespini spends his days guarding prisoners at the McKean Federal Correctional Institution in Pennsylvania, so he knows from uncomfortable living conditions. Maybe he doesn’t have to worry about the Mrs. shivving him as they pass each other in the hallway, but that doesn’t mean everything’s butterflies and rainbows. Unfortunately, it all got to be more than a man can bear recently and Alfredo decided he wanted to remove any reminder that he’d promised to hang with her for better or worse, richer or poorer, ’til death do them part . . .

CBS Pittsburgh has the gory details:

A criminal complaint said Bradford (PA) police were called just before 9 p.m. March 2 and were met by Alfredo Malespini III, 31, who told officers he was “trying to get rid of his wedding ring” and decided to “shoot it off.”

Guess he was fresh out of Ivory soap. Or maybe he figured the gunshot would drive the point home more forcefully for the little lady. Only one problem.

The gunshot badly mangled Malespini’s finger, but didn’t remove the ring, police said.

D’oh! Here’s a shocker:

On the day of the shooting, Malespini “had been drinking quite heavily throughout the day and he and his wife had been arguing throughout the day about an affair he had had several months ago,” Caskey said.

So maybe the spat wasn’t all her fault. Be that as it may, Lt. Malespini is now looking at charges of reckless endangerment, firing a gun within city limits and disorderly conduct. Will this affect his employment at the Federal Correctional Institution? Judging by the caliber (no pun intended) of most people who work for the federal government, he’s probably just fine.

In any case, he’ll be getting a little package from us soon to commemorate the event — as if looking at his left hand for the rest of his life weren’t enough. No, it won’t be a pair of nine-fingered gloves, but his wife (or girlfriend, or whomever) will know just where to put it if she catches him cheating again.

60 Responses to Irresponsible Gun Owner of the Day: Alfredo Malespini III

  1. But wouldn’t he be considered one of the “only ones” allowed to own a firearm, with no restrictions on what type and magazine capacity?

  2. Stupid is as stupid does. I knew a heavy equipment driver who cut 3 fingers off for money. I knew another guy who cut his ring finger off while messing with a brush wheel even after warned not to 5 minutes before. Basically this is one of the more entertaining stories about losing a finger I have heard in awhile.

    • I used to be an EMT in Southern California; I could tell you some great stories about gun stupidity…

      However, the stupidest finger removal I ever saw was a guy who burned it through to the bone (it later was amputated) by trying to remove a starter without disconnecting the battery.

      A ring makes just a jimdandy improvised three kilowatt heating element.

  3. “Judging by the caliber (no pun intended) of most people who work for the federal government, he’s probably just fine.”

    Poor form, Mr. Zimmerman, poor form.

  4. Well if a women can do anything with her body like get an abortion, why can’t he shoot his finger off? Many people legally mutilate their bodies other ways. LOL

    • Outside city limits, yeah. I don’t see reckless endangerment unless the li’l woman was serving as the backstop.

  5. On the day of the shooting, Malespini “had been drinking quite heavily throughout the day

    Yeah, I had pretty much figured that out by the time they got to the “decided to ‘shoot it off'” part.

  6. He’s done. He’ll be ineligible to own a weapon anymore, and that’ll end his employment as a correctional officer.

  7. Alfredo Malespini I and II must be so proud. And what a stroke of luck, Al, that you weren’t going wee-wee at the time, virtually assuring that there would never be an Alfredo Malespini IV.

  8. This guy is obviously an idiot, and a complete POS, but not everyone that works for the government, or is in law enforcement, is how this blog repeatedly portrays them. I’ve known several federal, state, and local LE agents, and they actually care about the work they do, tracking down and catching criminals. Not hassling gun owners, not being bullies, not writing minor traffic tickets, but actually catching and locking up real bad people.

    It’s at the point that any story that can possibly be twisted and used to slam the very people you’d be praying show up as quick as possible should you be the victim of violence, is used for just that. It’s tiresome. Why don’t we start taking cheap shots at active duty military, since .gov writes their paychecks, or veterans, since they were working for the government?

    Can’t the focus go back to covering new gear, guns, training, and potential laws that will infringe on our rights? If you need to slam someone, how about just sticking to the actual idiots that misuse their firearms and make the rest of us look bad, or the people writing and sponsoring these draconian bills? Surely there’s enough of them to provide subject matter to editorialize.

    • Yes, the author here is inappropriate and a little rude. I think a little tactfulness would go a long way.
      However, you must realize that it will always be frustrating to a civil servant who is not an employee of .gov (which I agree is an accurate, unbiased way of referencing the state) when he is prevented from doing things that employees of the state are allowed to do. This also applies when the latter don’t get in trouble for things which get the former in trouble. We realize that state LEOs don’t always get off free, and sometimes public citizens are let off free, but there is a trend for the state to let its own employees off easier than employees of public enterprise.

      Most state employed military/LEOs work hard to create a peaceful society, but so do most armed citizens. It’s the imbalance of exceptions that’s upsetting.

  9. I heard a story about a San Diego cop who once shot his pinky finger off while cleaning his pistol (the PD apparently made him pay to fix the bullet hole), but he was able to keep his job.

    • First time I’ve ever seen a photo used that was taller than it was wide. And of course it was so we could see the tattoos covering his arms. Not sure whether or not I should be offended…

      I understand the frustration people feel when state employees are treated with more leniency than the rest of us. But I’m pretty sure we are all a little bit butt-hurt for being lumped in with the Lanzas yet some of the writers here like to do the same to government employees. In my opinion it’s tantamount to racism or prejudice. We are better than that. Little bit of advice: avoid the word most unless you’re double damn sure you’re right as to not lose credibility.

  10. I was enjoying this post until I read the inflammatory blanket statement regarding Federal employees. I am one of your so-called low caliber douchebags. However, I am not a dumbass like Officer Malespini. Thanks a lot for lumping me in with this asshole Dan! Reminds me of what Chris Matthews did to Ted Cruz yesterday…

  11. Oh goodness I couldn’t stop laughing my ass off…..you see, I have gout. Real bad. It comes back to my right toe or my right ankle like clockwork about every 2 months since last June. My first gout attack was about 6 years previous, at which point I joked that the next time it ever happened I’d take a .22 and blow the toe off. So what happened? It hit my ankle instead! Then the next time a couple months later, the toe. But I didn’t have a .22, only a 12 gauge. Ach, that would have been too messy. So now that I’ve finally got both a .22 and a 12 gauge, I guess I could say I’m ready either way if the doc tells me to FOAD.

    Alas, I’m still working on the marriage part.

    Tom

    • My sincere best wishes, man. I’ve had a couple of bouts with gout in my past. Some of the worst pain I’ve experienced and I’m no slouch in the pain tolerance department.

      Changes in diet seem to keep it at bay for me, I hope you find something that works for you.

      • I was actually going to drill a complete hole with some of the Aviation drills plugs and starters I have from building the A-10.
        It is very painful speaking from someone with decent pain meds and it still hurts like a mother.

        Shooting was too messy I thought but drilling and sterilizing with Plenty of Iodine I though might work. But I think logic prevailed.

        So I took some baking soda and Apple cider vinegar with some cherries and it seems to keep it at bay.

        Good luck to all with it. But try my above remedies just make sure the ACV has the enzymes.

      • It’s called the kings disease for a reason. Ever seen a movie with a king not stuffing his face? And I mean no disrespect at all

  12. His ordeal reminds me of something my late chief pilot told me:

    “Don’t lose your kids and wife and half your assets and be burdened with a payment ball and chain to find out a real simple to understand fact – all p**sy feels exactly the same.”

    Ah, but the mechanisms of evolutionary biology are always whispering something different in a fellow’s ear.

    • Three’ll get you ten he meant to shoot to the side of the finger, intending to graze and raze the ring, but his aim was no good – and neither was the plan.

    • Im sure if I continue purchasing guns at the rate I am then that could be my future. Maybe I should tone it down.

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