Self-Defense Tip: Don’t Do What the Glock Girl Did

Before you start in on me, I know: it’s not a David Kenik video. It’s a Glock ad. A work of fiction. But Wrong Girl so wrong on so many levels it’s scary. Alternatively, it’s a teachable moment. A chance to appreciate what an armed self-defender should do in a similar situation. So, where should we start? Let’s start at the very beginning (a very good place to start). Situational awareness much? . . .

Not in this case. The young lady in the video—heretofore known as Susan—walks down the street eyes front.

I’m not saying Susan’s head should be on a swivel 24/7, but landing and take-off are the most dangerous times for a pilot. I mean, entering and leaving buildings and cars are the most dangerous times for a law-abiding citizen.

At the very least Susan should have slowed down as she approached her digs and scanned for nearby threats. She should have paused before entering her apartment and completed her scan looking for hidden threats. Including . . . wait for it . . . mysterious strangers in parked cars.  

It’s not about living the paranoid lifestyle. It’s about being situationally aware, adjusting your awareness level to the situation (including the time of day) and creating good safety habits.

Susan settles in (and settles in and settles in) for a movie. She hears a knock on the door. RAP . . . RAP . . . RAP. Who knocks like that? Red flag on the play!

Thanks to some kick ass acting skills, we can tell that Susan’s not expecting anyone. (Oh! Expect me! Expect me!)

THIS is the moment when Susan should have armed herself. Strange knock, unexpected vistor, it’s go time! Actually, I lie. Susan should have been armed BEFORE the knock. She should have been home carrying.

Not to give anything everything away, but the Bad Guy eventually bursts through the door. What if he hadn’t knocked? If you were a crazed stalker/rapist/jilted boyfriend would you knock first?

Like any B-movie horror movie babe, Susan calls out “Who is it?” Bad idea. She’s just told whoever’s outside that she’s home. If it’s a nutcase that’s the dictionary definition of not good.

That said, “professional” burglars usually knock first, trying to avoid interaction with inhabitants (often with the breaking and entering accomplice at a second entrance). Even so, look before you speak. If you see someone you don’t recognize, ask for ID.

Do I have to say this? Never open the door to someone you don’t know. Even if they’ve got ID and they’re coming at night, tell them to come back during daylight hours. Not very neighborly I know, but a bleeding heart often ends up bleeding.

What’s that she sees through the spyhole? A white Ford Econoline van? Has this woman EVER watched a documentary about a spree killer? Jeez.

No answer. Susan goes back to her movie. Uh, no. If she should have been armed before the knock, if she should have been armed after the knock, the no-show should have motivated her to arm herself and call 911.

Although the music was a clear giveaway that something wicked this way knocketh, a real-life Susan might have been thinking it was a bunch of kids playing a joke. (If it hadn’t been RAP . . . RAP . . . RAP.) Even so, it’s better to have a gun and not need it than not have a gun and be raped and murdered.

Let’s let the next little interlude—another knock, another peep through the door—slide under the heading “dramatic tension.” It’s so obviously stupid it’s stupid. And good on her for finally getting a gun.

Note: it takes Susan 21 seconds to secure her Glock. How great is that? Not as not great as returning to the couch and putting the gun next to her thigh. Anyway, third knock and it’s time to . . . call 911. Hey where IS that cell phone?

Nope. Susan positions herself in front of the door. (I haven’t seen a doorknob that cheap since I stayed at a Motel 6). Susan backs away from the portal. Smart move. Distance is time and time is critical to a successful armed self-defense. Of course, she shouldn’t have gone up to the door in the first place.

Susan should have been aiming at the door from behind concealment or cover (of which there is practically none in a house; save the ‘fridge). And when the bad guy breaks down the door in, I dunno about you but I’m not so sure I’m going to wait for him to faint.

And once the bad guy passed out—or, as might happen in real life, gets shot and staggers around in a rage or lies screaming on the floor—GTFO girlfriend. Standing there like a lemon assumes that BG can’t regroup quickly. And there isn’t another member of the BGs coming-up right behind him.

Anyway, despite what I said in the headline, result! Any ad that convinces women to look after their own self-defense, to consider the option of doing so with a firearm, is a good thing, not a bad thing.

Me, I would have hired Quentin Tarantino to make this promo. Which is why I’m sitting here and not taking meetings in Hollywood. Or selling Glocks, per se.