“Build Death Star” Petition Needs Your Help!

First things first. The Death Star is a gun. It’s an extremely large entirely fictional gun but it’s a gun nonetheless. Alright? Now, let’s take journey to a web site far, far away (petitions.whitehouse.gov). “Those who sign here petition the United States government to secure funding and resources, and begin construction on a Death Star by 2016. By focusing our defense resources into a space-superiority platform and weapon system such as a Death Star, the government can spur job creation in the fields of construction, engineering, space exploration, and more, and strengthen our national defense.” As of 14:15, the petition has [Jennifer] garnered 20,086 signatures; just 4,914 shy of the total needed to hit the 25k threshold needed, as Fox News reports, “for the government to take it seriously.” Seriously? A federal boondoggle the size of a planet? Talk about the dark side . . .

comments

  1. avatar Jesus says:

    “A Death Star was a moon-sized military battlestation armed with a planet-destroying superlaser.”

    I wonder if I can get a job on that thing when they build it.

    1. avatar Rambeast says:

      Just pray a bunch of teenagers in X-wings don’t decide to ruin your day.

  2. avatar sanchanim says:

    I don’t know RF, under Obama, it almost seems logical, and even the theme song fits!!!
    Oh if anyone wants to get rid of that lego set, I am so on it!!!

  3. avatar Splashman says:

    Seriously, RF? A post regarding a wacko petition?

    Yeeesh.

    1. avatar Barstow Cowboy says:

      But it IS a whacko petition about…a gun! It works.

  4. avatar pwrserge says:

    Ok, I’m not sure if I think that this is the most awesome thing to win the interwebz, or just be sad that somebody will form a comity to study the idea seriously.

    1. avatar Gyufygy says:

      I AM NOT A COMMITEE!

  5. avatar Cigr says:

    The petition was created by 4chan as a joke.

    1. avatar Austin says:

      Really? This isn’t a totally genuine idea?
      {/sarcasm}

  6. avatar Vigilantis says:

    Honestly, the way the government spends money on the military I’m surprised we don’t have one under construction (and behind schedule and over budget) already.

    1. avatar In Memphis says:

      Delayed and under construction? So what, as long as its operational…

      and not sheilded from a planet inhabited by midget bears. Uh I mean little bears.

      1. avatar bontai Joe says:

        They would be “height challenged” bears. Got to get your politically correct adjectives correct, even though they change every 5 years or so. (LOL)

  7. avatar Bob says:

    Never under-estimate the human capacity for stupid.

    “Here’s your sign.” …over 20,000 of them actually.

    1. avatar Pwrserge says:

      Nope, just the one from someone who has a hard time getting the joke.

  8. avatar ST says:

    President of the United States: Pentagon, please construct a Death Star as soon as possible.

    Department of Defense: You mean the one we built last fiscal year wasn’t authorized? Oops.

    POTUS: ???????

    DoD: Why do you think Pluto’s no longer a planet? We had to beta test it SOMEWHERE…….

    1. avatar In Memphis says:

      Haha thats got to be the best Pluto joke I have ever heard!

      Actualy it just made me think of Independance Day when they first get to Area 51.
      “You dont think the spent $20,000 on a hammer, $30,00 on a toilet seat.”

  9. avatar Matt in FL says:

    Took me a few minutes to find this, but someone did the math on this. Find it here: http://www.centives.net/S/2012/how-much-would-it-cost-to-build-the-death-star/

    For those who don’t want to click through, the thumbnail version is it would cost roughly 13,000 times the world’s GDP, and at current steel production rates, it would take 833,000 years to produce the necessary steel.

    1. avatar Gregolas says:

      Well then, we’d best get started. We’re burnin’ daylight.

  10. Clearly you haven’t read the following article from a defense magazine. The moral of the story is build more droids and less deathstars. It’s a great read, especially funny if you work in the defense indutry and are familiar with government acquistion. I highly recommend it. (the link will prompt you to open a pdf)

    http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=build%20more%20droids%20and%20less%20deathstars%20acquisition&source=web&cd=1&sqi=2&ved=0CC0QFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dau.mil%2Fpubscats%2FATL%2520Docs%2FSep-Oct11%2FWard.pdf&ei=SUTJUIOmN4zdqQGIt4HoCg&usg=AFQjCNEjhC92SXBtHneEofD7ShBC5rnYcA&bvm=bv.1355272958,d.aWM

  11. avatar In Memphis says:

    Do you think the ATF will go around looking for droids now?

    1. avatar g says:

      These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.

  12. avatar shawmutt says:

    I often wondered about the workers and their families who were killed by those uppity rebels blowing up not one, but two Death Stars. With probable populations in the billions, those battle stations required millions of support staff.

    So it’s evil to blow up Alderaan but OK to blow up the Death Stars? There were no evil people on Alderaan? Remember, all we know about the story comes from the victors…rebel scum.

    Sometimes I think too much…

    In other news, I have a buddy that is an ordained Jedi and marries people.

    1. avatar In Memphis says:

      I think someome just watched Clerks. Dont forget all the innocent contractors building the second Death Star

      1. avatar Rambeast says:

        +1 “Job acceptance based on personal politics.”

    2. avatar Jesus says:

      Luke was a mass murderer.

      Not only did he kill innocent contractors, but he killed the families of them as well.

      The Death Stars were so large that they carried the families of the staff and had shopping promenades and parks inside them.

  13. avatar Lance says:

    No I want the X Wing and Y Wing to replace the F-22 and F-15 first!!!! That’s what the new DoD budget should have.

  14. avatar savaze says:

    This sounds like something out of John Ringo’s Troy Rising series…

  15. avatar Ing says:

    A federal boondoggle the size of a planet? No. More like a moon — and a small one at that. I’m surprised we don’t have one already. (Or do we…)

  16. avatar AaronW says:

    Amazing, that a silly petition can get all of those signatures, while more important issues lie nearly fallow.

    https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/do-not-reinstate-federal-assault-weapons-ban-1994/sC09SX1l

    1. avatar Don says:

      I sent this one to all of my gun internet communities and no one posted it. 🙁

      Robert, headline this one! We look good when we crush the other anti-gun ones on the wh.gov website.

      -D

  17. avatar m.ia says:

    Can’t we just put a fricken laser on the moon?

    1. avatar John E > says:

      You mean “laser”…

      No we’ve been investing in Starbuck’s.

      1. avatar In Memphis says:

        Starbucks on the moon?

        1. avatar Robert Farago says:

          Even better: a canteen.

  18. avatar Don says:

    I think it is a great satire of the silliness of the wh.gov petition site. Even greater if it passes the bar. I therefore signed.

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