It Should Have Been A DGU: Snake Attack Edition


Here at TTAG, we joke about shower carry. As for hot tubs and nude beaches and other wet places where tooling-up can have an entirely different meaning, well, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? With a snake. “A Massachusetts man is facing charges for allegedly using a pet python to beat his girlfriend as she soaked in a hot tub, injuring the woman and ultimately killing the snake,” reports. “Police say the couple got into an argument on Tuesday night and Paro removed the snake from a cage and ‘began beating the female repeatedly.’ Police say Paro threw the snake in the hot tub when he was done, and it died.” Moral of the story: avoid stupid people in stupid places with constricting snakes. And if you can’t, a Smith & Wesson Governor or Taurus Judge loaded with .410 ought to take care of man and beast. [h/t Aharon]


  1. avatar Accur81 says:

    Alas, I live in California, and cannot be trusted with a revolver capable of firing .410 rounds.

    On a positive note, my Midwestern Purple Trouser Snake has survived every hot tub visit so far.

    1. avatar Kelly in GA says:

      ^This^ FTW!

  2. avatar jwm says:

    It’s actually the only California gun law that I’m for. My wife wants one of those Taurus Judges and I don’t want to spend 500+ bucks on what I see as a gimmick gun. So it’s win for me.

    as for using a snake for a weapon I know that I’m setting myself up for angry flames but, in my limited experience people that keep reptiles for pets ain’t quite right.

    1. avatar Gregolas says:

      Does your aversion extend to those of us who keep vicious attack turtles ?

      1. avatar jwm says:

        K, should’ve given an exemption to turtle owners. At least you have a pet that can’t outrun you if it escapes.

    2. avatar Aharon says:

      You are like being so Judgmental and not politically-correct.

    3. avatar Paul says:

      Hey, I’m pretty normal and I keep herps as pets…including pythons. I’m normal except for my choice in companion animals.

  3. avatar Gregols says:

    LOL Big time! Thanks for the laugh.

  4. avatar Greg Camp says:

    Question: How do we practice for this? I know from experience that snakes are hard to hit, even when they’re not coming at me.

    1. avatar jwm says:

      Keep a mongoose in your pocket. Great for snakes and will make you the hit of the party.

      1. avatar JoshinGA says:

        LOL. But mongoose only naturally encounter cobras. I wonder how they would perform against rattlesnakes, water moccasins, and copper heads around these parts…

      2. avatar Kelly in GA says:

        Or you could keep the great honey badger! Honey badger don’t give a sh1t! Of course, he would have to be on a leash with a qd attachment for quick release onto your foes.

        1. avatar jwm says:

          Honey badgers, oh hell no! Those damn things are dangerous. Be like having my ex wife on a lead. Once you released her there was no way of knowing who’s throat she was going after, yours or theirs. I’d rather take on a cobra with a plastic spoon, it’s be safer.

  5. avatar percynjpn says:

    avoid stupid people in stupid places with constricting snakes.

    The real lesson to be learned.

  6. avatar Aharon says:

    No woman should take a bath without her pet 20″ long double-barreled 12-gauge Coach Gun.

  7. avatar gringito says:

    For sake of self defense I have a poisonous rattle snake, Arnie, which I frequently carry concealed in my right trouser pocket. It really works fine…Up to now the BGs didn’t like to mess up with it.

    Do I have to fear that anti gun nuts will take it away from me and infringe my constitutional rights according to the 2nd Amendment??;-)??

    1. avatar Paul says:

      Venomous, not poisonous. It’s like clip vs magazine…but I can’t help being pedantic on the issue.

  8. avatar Don says:

    Shower carry was a joke?

    Isn’t that the whole point of stainless steel and rubber grips? My bathroom gun wears Hogues in rubber duckie yellow.


  9. avatar Chris Dumm says:

    Enough is enough! I’ve had it with these motherfuckin’ snakes in my motherfuckin’ tub!

  10. avatar Pantera Vazquez says:

    How would a local rag present this story?


    -Bathing Babe Battered by Boa-
    -Punk pelts pretty with pet-
    -Boa Belts Beauty-
    -Constrictor Clocks Cutie-
    -Boa Bozo Beats Bikini Broad-
    -Slimy Slaps Sexy-
    -Aquatic aspian assault-

    Just thinking out loud………..

    1. avatar Don says:



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