Personal Defense Tip: Don’t Run Out of Coffee

If you were around in the 80s, you might remember this spot for the caffeinated lifestyle. Back in those distant, dismal pre-Starbuckian days, coffee meant Folgers or Taster’s Choice. But if it was good enough for David Bowie, Kurt Vonnegut and Cicely Tyson, who wouldn’t want some, even if that thin swill was all that was available back then? After all, those aromatic roasted beans are “the calm moment that lets you think.” And that pretty much explains why Lorene Jones Orr had to do what she did. Her problem was she was all out of coffee . . .

Orr had downed her last mug of Sumatran or French Roast or whatever it is the 80-year-old usually drinks and, as tampabay.com reports, her son wasn’t happy about the cupboard being bare. No more coffee meant no calm moment, and apparently very little thinking going on . . .

When Orr told (Michael Ray) Sims about 11:30 a.m. Monday that there was no coffee left in the house, “he raised his hand to her” and threw things around the house on Mickens Drive, a report states. Then, the report says, Sims shoved his mother to the floor.

Orr’s other son, Lorenzo King Sims, 52, saw what happened and picked his mother off the ground, the report states. He told his brother to get out. They argued on the front porch. A report states Michael Sims tried to get back inside, prompting Orr to get her gun.

Sometimes a .38 is just the thing.

She told them to stop and told Michael Ray Sims, her 51-year-old live-in son, to leave, a Pasco County Sheriff’s Office report said. But he didn’t.

Then she held the gun up to the door and fired a warning shot through the glass into the ground, the report says.

The flying lead proved to be more persuasive than she’d been. Michael Sims left, probably in search of the nearest coffee shop or quickie mart. ‘Cause when you need a cup, you need a cup. The only bummer is he never got there. He was picked up and charged with aggravated domestic battery and is still behind bars. We don’t know how good the coffee is in the Land O’ Lakes jail, but we don’t want to be his cell mate if they run out.

comments

  1. avatar Steve says:

    That’s one way for an 80yr old mum to put a stop to her 50-something son’s temper tantrum.

    When he gets out of jail I think she should use the same method to get him to pick up after himself, mow the lawn, take out the trash and Respect his Mother.

  2. avatar Thomas Paine says:

    couple problems:
    -51-year-old live-in son
    -11:30 a.m. Monday wake up time for 51 year old-live-in son.

    1. avatar bontai Joe says:

      My goodness, are you implying that this “ahem” young man isn’t a productive part of society? LOL!

  3. avatar ready,fire,aim says:

    what a scum bucket to raise his hand to his mother

  4. avatar DJ says:

    On at least one occasion that has been discussed on this site Florida successfully prosecuted a homeowner who fired a warning shot, arguing that if they fired a warning shot they weren’t in imminent danger. Watch this space.

    http://www.thetruthaboutguns.com/2012/05/tim-mcnabb/warning-shot-costs-florida-woman-20-years/

    1. avatar Poet Moonshine says:

      I was thinking the same thing. I suppose it could be argued that she felt herself to be in danger, but could not bring herself to shoot her own son. The court case would be interesting.

      1. avatar Accur81 says:

        Well, the 50 year old child is in jail pending charges, and the 80 year old mother is free to re-evaluate her parenting skills. Seems like everything worked out alright to me.

        If I were her, I’d use the time to change the locks, get a German Shepherd, and move out his stuff. Tough love is still lovin’.

        1. avatar Just Plain Moonshine says:

          Agreed.

        2. avatar jwm says:

          Good advice. If this putz has made it to fifty without any better problem solving skills he ain’t going to change. I wonder how many times he’s been locked up before?

    2. avatar bontai Joe says:

      Ah shucks, she is 80 years old, she was ah….. hmmmmmm…….. let’s see now….. actually shooting at her attacker and missed?

  5. avatar Sanchanim says:

    Coffee I need Coffee!!

  6. avatar Bill Baldwin says:

    I drink coffee all day long, I guess that’s what’s prevented my evil black rifle from convincing me to go on a killing rampage. There was that one time that I ran out of coffee, but my rifle still didn’t convince me to kill, it must be broken.

  7. avatar 16V says:

    NSFW (I can’t honestly imagine why, but since it has one of the seven words…)

  8. avatar Ralph says:

    Many of us get cranky if we don’t have our morning dose, but slapping Mom around seems like a bit of an overreaction. ‘Course, blowing away one’s own door to emphasize a point also seems just a touch extreme. Oh, well. I guess the nut really doesn’t fall far from the tree.

  9. avatar AlphaGeek says:

    Good example of how complex this issue of warning shots can be.

    While legally hazardous to put into use, the warning shot does have its place on the escalation-of-force continuum, and like it or not, may convince an irrational actor that a shot-for-effect is imminent when verbal arguments are ineffective.

    Interesting to note that a warning shot from an 80-year-old woman is not cause for charges, while the same from a younger person who presumably has a broader range of defense options is prosecuted. Perhaps in Florida, old age is an effective if undocumented affirmative defense against such charges?

  10. avatar Todd94590 says:

    trying to draw a line between home roasting and reloading. sadly, like so many other Americans, the grey matter doesn’t work without the first cup of +P in the morning, and that’s where I am now.

    will say that once bitten by the home roasting bug, it’s a hobby that keeps on giving. and one that provides a great cuppa Joe. you ain’t lived till the taste buds get used to really fresh roasted stuff.

  11. avatar bontai Joe says:

    I’m happy to say that coffee is one of the few vices I have not aquired, but the first cigarette of the day is pretty important to me. Not so important that I’d physically hit anyone to get it though.

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