You’ve heard the wives’ tale cures for hiccups, right? There’s the Mary Poppins method – swallowing a spoonful of sugar. Some say downing a hunk of peanut butter is the way to go. And plenty of sufferers will tell you breathing into a paper bag does the trick. Patrick Myers and a Ft. Hood base buddy were watching a little football and enjoying some cold frosties Sunday afternoon when Myers’s friend developed a raging case of the diaphragm spasms. So, wanting to cure his pal and get back to the gridiron action, Myers figured he’d use the old scare-it-out-of-him cure . . .
And what better way to startle your friend than by firing a gun at him.
Bell County Jail records show Spc. Patrick Edward Myers was being held Tuesday on a manslaughter charge with bond set at $1 million. … An arrest affidavit says Myers apparently pointed a gun at the victim’s head to scare him and stop the hiccups. Myers allegedly thought the gun had dummy rounds when it discharged.
Maybe Myers’s late friend had a congenital case of the hiccups. Myers knew he’d interrupt the game at some point and that’s why he just happened to have a gun handy that (he says) he thought was loaded with blanks. Or maybe the whole story is a pathetic load of bullshit meant to cover for some mind-numbing stupidity.
Whatever the case, Spc. Myers will be getting our IGOTD trophy, not that it’s probably the first thing on his mind right now. And we’re guessing that if Myers’s cell mate begins to hiccup, he’ll suggest drinking from the wrong side of a glass next time. [h/t Kenneth W.]