“Baltimore Cannibal Overshadows Miami’s Zombie Apocalypse in Violent Flesh Eating Ritual”

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Sometimes I look at a headline and I hear M.C. Hammer. guardianlv.com nails it. Only I’m thinking that the one story informs the other one, rather than overshadows it. “[Alexander] Kinyua reportedly told police that after he had killed Agyei-Kodie, he cut up the body with a knife and dismembered it. He also told police that he eat [sic/sick] parts of Agyei-Kodie’s brain and all of the victims heart and then dumped the rest of the remains in a Dumpster behind a church in Joppatowne.” What’s this got to do with guns? Are you freakin’ kidding me? “The incident comes in a week where a Canadian porn actor is reported to have sent body parts of his victim to at least two different political parties and a Miami man was killed for eating a man’s flesh off of his face.” Connect the dots and secure your weapons. That is all. For now.

comments

  1. avatar 40&2000 says:

    Shoot! Score! Baltimore!

  2. avatar Charlie says:

    Time to fight fire with fire. Wait for it (drumroll)…

    Cannibal Cops

    Take a bite outta crime!

    1. avatar LongPurple says:

      Groan.

  3. avatar sdog says:

    Hartford county is not bmore city it is 30 minutes north. they were students at MSU, which is in NE Baltimore. Hartford county is not the “hood” either. guess what main battle tank design was tested and developed in that county?

    1. avatar 40&2000 says:

      Just read more info. Looks like it happened in joppatown, definitely not downtown Bmore. Hartford county isn’t the hood but parts of it are plenty weird.

  4. avatar James says:

    Can we be done with the stupid zombie crap already? If for no other reason than it’s a marketing ploy to capitalize on childish fantasies.

    1. avatar Totenglocke says:

      Tell that to the homeless man in Florida who had his face eaten off. I don’t think he finds it a “childish fantasy”.

      1. avatar James says:

        I don’t think it was a zombie that did it. To suggest that it was cheapens the suffering of the victim for the sake of amusement.

        The perpetrator was a degenerate and a drug-addict, not some cartoon caricature of the rotting undead.

        1. avatar Michael B. says:

          +1

  5. avatar Ben Eli says:

    Lemme grab my jet pack annnnnd….Nothing to do here! ZOOOOM

    1. avatar Moonshine7102 says:

      +1 for the memebase reference.

  6. avatar Van says:

    I can’t wait until the CT sights get here.

    I guess I’ll send an extra 50 downrange tomorrow just for good measure.

  7. avatar Chris Dumm says:

    I agree that this Zombie shit has gone way too far. Back when it was only goofy accessories and green-bladed knives it was stupid silly fun, but I strenuously object to human flesh becoming ‘The Other Other White Meat.’

  8. avatar Aharon says:

    “he cut up the body with a knife”

    What type of knife did he use? Brand? Model? The media needs to do some old fashioned investigative journalism.

    Name is Kenyan.
    Meaning of Kinyua One Who Drinks (kikuyu)
    http://www.babynology.com/meaning-kinyua-m37.html

    1. avatar Totenglocke says:

      It was a Glock assault knife using a high capacity clip blade with serrations causing +50 shredding damage. It was discovered the the cannibal had a stockpile of three kitchen knives at home. Mothers Against Metal Objects is organizing a bill to ban all knives immediately.

      1. avatar Aharon says:

        #1 That was great.

      2. avatar Greg says:

        +2 Awesome post.

  9. avatar g says:

    (Some) people are (really) crazy.

    Remind me not to visit the East Coast this summer.

  10. avatar Greg in Allston says:

    What a zany, mad cap world we’re living in.

    1. avatar SpannerX says:

      “May you live in interesting times.” What did I do in a past life to get that curse?

  11. avatar Ralph says:

    There was a time when telling someone to “eat me” was an insult. Now it’s an invitation to dinner .

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