Zombie Apocalypse: Coming Soon to a Neighborhood Near You

The gnomes at thedailybeast.com have been hard at work tracking the early signs of the outbreak everyone knew was coming. And they’re clearly not the only ones keeping abreast of the situation. We don’t know if patient zero was the naked face-eater or the guy who tossed his own entrails at the cops. Not that it probably matters much. But from perusing the map, just like most negative trends, it seems to be moving from east to west. Are you ready?

comments

  1. avatar GS650G says:

    Dialed in the AR-10 3 weeks ago, got the Super Redhawk ready and scope zeroed.
    Plenty of fuel for the generator too.

    1. avatar ready,fire,aim says:

      here we go….(not the dog on the beer comercial)

  2. avatar Sanchanim says:

    Saving up for more green gun stuff as we speak.
    Actually this is a truly disturbing trend and on a serious note it seems to be linked to a new drug called bath salts, which acts like LCD, and PCP mixed up, which is quite frightening. I think there are other names like cloud 9 etc, but the government can’t seem to agree on outlawing it, much less understanding anything about it.

    1. avatar Henry Bowman says:

      “the government can’t seem to agree on outlawing it”

      Yes, because prohibition works so well. I’m pretty sure eating faces and biting off noses is already a criminal act. Unjustified aggression is a crime regardless of whether or not a person is intoxicated. We should not call for criminalizing a person’s increased potential to do harm. This is what anti-gun folks say about gun owners. That argument against guns is bunk, just as it is against drugs (including alcohol), cars, pools, chainsaws and everything else that carries increased risk. Judge a person’s actions, not inanimate objects used to carry out those actions.

      1. avatar Sanchanim says:

        I agree with you on this, but I found it more amusing than anything else that the government just can’t seem to decide much of anything, at least for the last four years.
        The outlawing of the drug isn’t so much meant for people using it but more to the point the manufacturers of the drug. Semantics I know..

        1. avatar nonnamous says:

          Schumer wanted to outlaw chemistry so people wouldn’t find ways around these drug laws….its just ridiculous lol

        2. avatar Henry Bowman says:

          Gotcha. It is silly that they’ll crack down hard on cannabis (which is actaully healthful) but spin their wheels on a severely dangerous drug. Just goes to show that “society’s best intrest” is not their true movitation.

        3. avatar Ralph says:

          Bath salts? Bath salts? Real men take showers. With Lifebuoy.

        4. avatar Sanchanim says:

          Ralf how about that soap you use to get poison ivy off your skin, forget the name of it, or maybe a lava bar, you know after working on your car, now that is clean!!!

        5. avatar Ralph says:

          Sanchanim, I don’t know the name of any poison ivy soap because I’m immune to poison ivy.

        6. avatar GS650G says:

          “It is silly that they’ll crack down hard on cannabis (which is actaully healthful) but spin their wheels on a severely dangerous drug.”

          I’ve heard THC can cause poor spelling but that’s probably just a viciouos rumer soembody cretaed

      2. avatar Dr. Mike says:

        Henry,
        I’m going to have to disagree with you on this one. I can see the logical argument in favor of the joint smokers being no worse off than the tobacco smokers or drunks so we might as well make it safe and legal. I outright agree with that one. I can even see the logic in legalizing hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine to reduce the price, increase safety, and so people don’t have to go sticking up Quickie-Marts to afford their next fix- though I don’t entirely agree with the argument. After all people choosing to abuse drugs in such a case are only harming themselves (and loved ones, and the unborn if pregnant).

        This stuff on the other hand is a whole different can of worms. It is already being sold (very cheaply) at head shops and convenience stores all over the country as in most places it is not banned. Making it “more legal” than it already is will not decrease the violence associated with this mix of related substances. The violence did not occur to procure money for more bath salts, it occurred because this drug makes people act like total lunatics.

        It is just an outright dangerous substance, we see many people on the new designer “legal alternatives” for pot, coke, and speed at my institution. The effects are often unpredictable, vary widely between users of the same batch, and can be quite scary. Often times we have no idea what is contained in the drugs, so we are forced to treat symptomatically rather than empirically. I feel this stuff is just too dangerous to be handing out like candy.

        I do agree that making face eating more illegal will not stop the phenomenon, and I do see the parallels to the failed logic of gun control measures. However, the fact that this “stuff” is semi-legal, readily available, and super cheap is the only reason people are using it in the first place. Almost any user will tell you it is not as enjoyable as the illicit substances this synthetic analog junk seeks to mimic, and most would rather have the “real thing”. In fact a good majority of those I’ve spoken with have had a profoundly negative experience, though my sample may be more than slightly skewed as it took place in a hospital.

        Sorry to run on but as a final note from someone who has on more than a few occasions witnessed the negative effects in both an acute care and a critical care environment.

        WARN YOUR KIDS TO STAY AWAY FROM THIS STUFF.

        Thanks all for listening.
        Mike

        1. avatar Henry Bowman says:

          TJ already said it for me:

          “I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.”

    2. avatar James says:

      “[…]bath salts, which acts like LCD, and PCP mixed up[…]”

      Personally, I never would have thought to mix PCP with Liquid Crystal Displays.

      +1 for American ingenuity!

      1. avatar Sanchanim says:

        LMAO LSD, dang auto correct!!!
        Ok can’t stop laughing now…

  3. avatar Nuckingfuts22 says:

    From what I have heard the drug pretty much cooks your insides so that is why a lot of the people were naked, your core temp goes up to about 104 which in turn makes the psychotropic (I had to ask siri on my iPhone how to spell it) side affects of the drug that much more real. The brain is doing some major cartwheels and taking a dumb on its self at the same time so you really feel no pain what so ever and the only way to stop the person is to either harm them in such a way that they can no longer function correctly or kill them. And we all know what happens if you harm someone that was trying to kill another person.

    1. avatar Shane from Kanuckistan says:

      “The brain is doing some major cartwheels and taking a dump on its self at the same time”

      I saw this firsthand last weekend, but only because my buddy was very drunk and fell out the outhouse door while executing a sloppy #2. We just got the garden hose out and laughed at his discomfort.

    2. avatar Totenglocke says:

      And we all know what happens if you harm someone that was trying to kill another person.

      Well, only if the person trying to harm another is black – then stopping them is a big no-no. If they’re any other race, you’re clear to fire.

      1. avatar James says:

        …unless you’re white, in which case you deserve everything you get due to the indiscretions of your ancestors.

        Finished that for ya.

        1. avatar Ralph says:

          Actually, according to statistics compiled in SYG states, you’re both wrong. While most SYG shootings have been b-ob-b or w-on-w, when cross-color shootings occur, the defenders are acquitted or not charged at precisely the same rate irrespective of color. I know that you’d like it to be different to validate your racial motivations, but I think you should learn to accept disappointment like real little troopers.

        2. avatar CarlosT says:

          Ralph, do you have any data on duty to retreat states? I’d be curious to know if there were any differences at all.

        3. avatar Ralph says:

          CarlosT, I do not have any numbers for duty to retreat states.

  4. avatar Aharon says:

    My SP101 is loaded with thermo rounds and I have ordered a new 8″ knife today http://www.tomarskabars.com/BK-5_INFO.html

    I think I’m also going to order a nice kukri. BTW, there is also at least one nasty case of zombi-eating occurring in Canada: a bisexual porn actor tied up, dismembered and ate a Chinese engineering student. The zombie then posted the film he made online. He was just captured in Europe.

  5. avatar John Fritz says:

    “… just like most negative trends, it seems to be moving from east to west. …”

    Yeah, well at least until you hit the Sierra Nevada MR. Then there’s a collision of crap from both directions.

  6. avatar the last Marine out says:

    Got my Zombie ammo ready,,, how about you?

  7. avatar carey says:

    I have no worries. In California, our zombies only eat tofu and bean sprouts.

    1. avatar ready,fire,aim says:

      LOL……..

    2. avatar Anon in CT says:

      Since zombies eat brains, I just assumed all of yours starved to death.

      1. avatar girlswithguns says:

        LOL

  8. avatar Ralph says:

    I must be getting tired. I thought the headline said something about A Pack of Zombie Lips, not Zombie Apocalypse. My bad.

    1. avatar Sanchanim says:

      ROFLMAO!!! Oh that is a good one, I usually get that when I first wake up at 6 and check TTAG emails. You guys on the east coast have had a few hours to get coffee and such.. I am still a zombie, no pun intended.

  9. avatar John says:

    Every time I hear or read about the overused Zombie Apocalypse I think of “Zombieland” when they find the Hummer loaded with weapons. Let others do all stockpiling and once they turn their stuff is there for the taking.

  10. avatar Hazzard Bagg says:

    Was this another one?

    http://www2.turnto10.com/news/2012/jun/07/man-hospitalized-after-stripping-naked-walmart-ar-1063098/

    PS: I have ordered a longsword. For when I run out of ammo.

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