Daniel Collins of Teaneck, New Jersey apparently isn’t like most guys. When the subject turns to flatulence, it’s all the majority of males can do to contain the giggles. This reaction usually begins to manifest itself in those with X and Y chromosomes somewhere around the age of five and remains a constant force until the individual assumes room temperature, no matter how many years later that may be. Comedians, of course, know this and have built careers around fart humor. But Mr. Collins is different. No, the 72 year-old Teanecker isn’t amused at all by a butt burst in his general vicinity. And that’s why he’s now in so much trouble . . .
As you might expect from someone so chuckle challenged, Daniel was involved in an ongoing dispute with another person in his apartment building. And when the unidentified neighbor walked past his door Monday evening and blew the old stinkwhistle, Mr. Collins decided he’d had enough.
As Teaneck PD Detective Lt. Andrew McGurr told NJ.com,
The neighbor told officers that Collins pointed a revolver at him in the vestibule of their apartment building at 694 Cedar Lane at around 9:25 p.m.
But according to Collins, the neighbor left out one important part of the story – the alleged butt bomb.
Collins said he confronted the man after hearing him pass gas in front of his apartment door, but denied threatening him with a gun. He consented to a search, and officers recovered a .32 caliber revolver from his vehicle.
So because of his general mirth deficit (or maybe due to his sensitive nose), Mr. Collins has now been charged with aggravated assault, possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose, unlawful possession of a firearm and making terroristic threats. And we’re guessing his neighbors in the hoosegow were even less delicate about tooting the mud trumpet than his the guy outside his door. So we’ll be sending Daniel an IGOTD award to recognize his overzealous anti-fart fatwa and can only hope that the memory of the incident isn’t gone in a poof.