Are there worse things a guy can do than mistaking his girlfriend for a pig? There probably are – sleeping with someone else your girl considers a pig comes to mind – but that’s gotta be near the top of the list, right? Especially when he has a gun in his hand and is stalking a wild hog. Steven Egan was hunting one while on a camping trip with his girlfriend, Lisa Simmons. We’ve never seen Lisa, but no matter how lovely and svelte she may actually be, we’re guessing Steve’s home life just got a lot more complicated. Not to mention expensive . . .

The two lovebirds were camping in Florida when Egan spotted a wild porker. He took a shot at it, then left Lisa in their tent with dreams of bacon and chops dancing in his head. From news.yahoo.com:

Unbeknown to Egan, Simmons had also left the tent to pick up loose oranges that had fallen from trees on the property.  Instead of hitting his wild target, Egan struck his girlfriend in both legs with a .30-caliber bullet.

“He saw a hog and thought he shot it and went to look for it,” Maj. Steve Clair with the Flagler County Sheriff’s Office told ABCNews.com.  “He heard her and thought it was a hog and just shot.”

Even I, having never hunted, know you don’t shoot at something you haven’t positively ID’d. No matter how unsuccessful she may have been at Weight Watchers. Fortunately, Lisa will apparently make a full recovery. Given what she now has to hold over Steve’s head, his wallet likely won’t.

30 Responses to Does This Tent Make Me Look Fat? Hog Hunter Shoots Girlfriend Instead

      • Guns aren’t like cars – enjoying them isn’t a privilege, it’s a right. As such, unless he’s suddenly a convicted felon or develops some other “no gun allowed” status he ought to keep his rights.

        I do think a temporary “no carry” period would be good, though.

        • While there is no automobile mentioned in the constitution, we have a right to own property. We have the right to travel, to use public roads, to congregate. How is owning or using a car a privilege? Sure, a person can lose the right to use a car through a disregard of laws, but a privilege can be taken away arbitrarily.

      • Awesome Mikey! That means if you get in a car accident, you lose your driving rights. If you say something stupid (as you often do on this site and your own), you lose your right to free speech. Accidentally order the wrong thing at a restaurant? You just lost your right to eat in restaurants, young man.

        • So what you’re saying is that guns are magically different? Just like how guns magically cause people to kill, despite over 3 times as many people dying in car accidents in the US each year as there are who die from being shot.

          Oh, BTW, that qualifies as saying “something stupid”. You’ve now lost your right to post online.

        • Guns are not different.

          It varies from year to year (obviously), but in 2010 there were 32,885 deaths from car accidents in the US (from Bloomberg.com, which got the data from the NHTSA) and there were 11,615 murders / accidental deaths involving guns (per the CDC). That comes out to 2.83 times as many deaths from car accidents as both murders using guns and accidents involving guns (accidental deaths involving guns was a measly 600 in 2010). Also, that homicide number includes both police shootings of criminals and self defense shootings – meaning the actual murder rate is even lower.

          Please, oh wise one, provide some actual facts to support your position. Wait, I forgot, you can’t, because you lost your right to post things online per your previous argument about one single accident / mistake meaning a lifetime ban from an activity.

        • Because suicide rate is a function of culture, not the availability of means. You’ve been told this before, Michael.

        • Suicides are NOT CAUSED BY GUNS. Japan has NO GUNS and an absurdly high suicide rate. But in your infinite stupidity, you’d rather people painfully died from drinking bleach or some other chemical to kill themselves (because we’ve established before that you’re a sociopath). You want to claim that guns cause crime / murders and that if you have a gun you’ll accidentally kill people or yourself. I proved you wrong and you don’t have one goddamn source to contradict it. Sit down and shut up, you useless *FLAME DELETED*.

        • Murders are NOT CAUSED BY GUNS either. But gun availability plays an essential role in both murders and suicides.

          Japan is not a fair comparison because they have a centuries long tradition which views suicide as honorable.

    • Probably no. He would have followed up and shot again if that were the case. Trying to play it as an accident would be way to risky for intentional murder to be most people’s plans except for a m_r_n. If he wanted to get ride of her, we’ll they’re not married so no biggie. Otherwise, there are ways he could achieve such a goal.

  1. Like the old saying goes, fat girls are like mopeds. They are fun to ride till your friends catch you riding one, there is no need to shoot it though LOL.

    • Hahaha first time I’ve heard that one I see myself using it in the future. Not sure how it will go over calling a girl a moped though. “hey moped can I talk to you for a minute, no over here so we can be alone” IE no one can see us.

  2. I would have held this back for tomorrow’s IGOTD award….unless there is a “better” one in store tomorrow.

  3. Is that Lisa’s picture at the top? Because, like, she’s a total sow. Hey, Lisa, put down the Twinkies and have a salad, okay?

  4. Probably just a re-enactment of Deliverance gone wrong.

    Egan: She got a real pretty mouth, ain’t she?
    Egan: Squeal like a pig! Weeeeee!
    Simmons: Weeee!
    [BLAM!!!]
    Egan: Whoops! Sorry, honey!

  5. A friend of mine shot a cow when he was deer hunting. He ended up having to “buy” the cow, which apparentely was not cheap. We still tease him about it years later.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *