“Rabbits have been cited in three minor US plane crashes in the last 30 years, National Transportation Safety Board records show.” Three in thirty years? That’s tens of millions of sorties with only three Bugs-related problems? That doesn’t seem like too big a problem. But to hear nypost.com tell it, JFK in Queens is teeming with the adorable little hoppers. So the Port Authority’s doing what anyone – well anyone outside of New York City – would do with an overabundance of cottontail cuteness. They’re breaking out the scatterguns . . .

Ninety-nine wascally wabbits and hares were shotgunned at JFK last year by Elmer Fudd firing squads comprised of Port Authority and USDA workers.

“It’s open season at the airport to shoot rabbits,” said Steven Garber, a biologist and consultant for wildlife management at airports.

A new federal wildlife assessment of the airport recommends “regularly” killing Eastern cottontails and black-tailed jackrabbits “to decrease the prey base on the airfield.”

Its not so much the rabbits themselves posing the problem. It’s the birds of prey they attract that threaten aviation safety.

Tragedy was narrowly averted there last week after birds hit the engine of a Delta flight bound for LA. The plane made an emergency landing with an engine on fire.

The JFK brass also taken to using lasers to scare off the bothersome birdies at night, but that’s probably not nearly as fun as blasting bunnies in the tall grass that surrounds the airfield. We only hope no one in the mayor’s office gets wind of this and spoils all the fun.

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23 Responses to NY Port Authority: Kill the Wabbits, Kill the Wabbits!

  1. So, when you say three accidents in thirty years does that including the incident where Bugs nearly crashed a plane that was being destroyed by a gremlin?

  2. It’s Wabbit season.
    No it’s Duck season.
    Wabbit.
    Duck.
    Wabbit.
    Duck.
    Wabbit.
    Wabbit.
    Duck.

    BOOM! (Elmer Fudd shoots Daffy Duck, and his bill spins around his head several times.)

    Daffy re-adjusts his bill and says, You’re despicable…

      • God, I hope they don’t go to a soup kitchen. Rabbits are actually very well built to successfully avoid their common predators. The major thing that keeps rabbit population in check is nasty, nasty parasite infections! Little buggers are loaded with them.

        I’ve eaten snake, bear, javelina, and squirrel, but absolutely refuse to eat rabbit.

  3. The crashes have been caused by the male bunnies dressing up as sexy female bunnies and distracting the pilots.

  4. Fortunately, the Port Authority has its own police force and substantial municipal sovereignty, so Bloomy can’t save the wabbits.

  5. So let me get this straight, the sexy she-male bunnies, are distracting the pilots, in order that GIANT he-male bunnies can bring in predators, that cause planes to crash, and in the meantime Elmore Fudd is shooting Daffy Duck? Is this correct? If so who the hell needs raghead, muslim, commie, terrorists?

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