No Way

“According to a Highway Patrol incident report, state troopers stopped [Michael Leon] Ward on Monday morning after he passed them going more than 90 mph,” msnbc reports. “Ward and a woman claiming to be his wife rolled up their windows and locked their doors when troopers approached. After troopers forced the door open, Ward resisted and had to be subdued with a Taser, they said. Authorities say Ward told them he was unable to get out of the car because he was disabled and couldn’t walk. Ward was first taken to a hospital because he was complaining of heart problems. Officers didn’t find the gun. Nor did they find it when he was put in his jail cell.” Those of you of a squeamish disposition are advised to stop reading now. Otherwise, make the jump for an example of Extreme Concealed Carry . . .

Deputies told NBC station WITN of Washington, N.C., that Ward was searched and then strip-searched before he was put into a holding cell. Jailers also made Ward perform what they call a “squat and cough” procedure.

Only later did they find the gun — a .38-caliber revolver, with a 4½-inch barrel. While it wasn’t loaded, it worked just fine when officers loaded a bullet and test-fired it.

Yup. Ward had secreted the pistol in his rectum. And there you were thinking that CSI had that particular patch of WTF covered. Actually, I don’t know what you’re thinking. Feel free to share with the group. [h/t tip David Brown for the link]

comments

  1. avatar supton says:

    Ouch?

    I had to read the link to figure out what the hoopla was about. I’m, uh, disturbed I guess is the right word for what I’m thinking.

    Actually, no, I’m not. Just one more crazy person in this world.

  2. avatar caffeinated says:

    Talk to anyone who works in the ER or surgery. A 4.5″ revolver is for amateurs.

    1. avatar rosignol says:

      4.5 inches is just the barrel. This guy might not be the all-time champion (google if you really want to know), but he’s definitely an honorable mention.

  3. avatar Tom says:

    Deep concealement.

  4. avatar Auxin says:

    Rectum? Darn near killed ‘im.

    (I stole that from bongos-4072145 comment on the other article.)

    1. avatar caffeinated says:

      The Supertuck has nothing on this guy.

  5. avatar VA Pete says:

    Holy crap!

  6. avatar Mr. Lion says:

    Exposed hammer? I’d think getting shot would be less painful than drawing…

  7. avatar Mercutio says:

    ew. And I thought that was rust in the picture…….

  8. avatar matt says:

    “While it wasn’t loaded, it worked just fine when officers loaded a bullet and test-fired it.”
    Do cops get to take my car on a test drive too if they impound it? Its nice to see that cops like shitty guns. And just more evidence that cops love assholes.

    1. avatar zak b says:

      They test fired the gun in order to get ballistic samples from it. That way, the FBI can check to see if it can be linked to other crimes. Like the murder the man is accused of.

      1. avatar matt says:

        lol what a joke, ballistic samples. They generally arent sent to the FBI, at least in IL. They are sent off to the ISP crime lab. That crime lab takes 3+ months to process rape kits, I assuming guns arent much better. I wonder how many people are actually caught from those ballistic samples.
        http://secondcitycop.blogspot.com/2011/04/fingerprint-all-guns.html

        That also ignores the fact that its trivial to change the marks a barrel will leave with abrasive bullets, firing a bunch of rounds, or that the rifling is likely rusted/corroded from how it was stored.

        Didnt realize he was a murder suspect, from the blog article it sounded like it was a traffic stop/refusing to obey orders charges.

  9. avatar pair-o-dee says:

    Finally, a retention holster I can get behind.

  10. avatar Robert says:

    This is why we will eventually be strip searched at airports.

    1. avatar Elliotte says:

      Is the TSA gonna start hiring proctologist for their checkpoint screenings too?

      1. avatar M&P9L says:

        No Proctologists, just unconvicted perverts who get to wear blue shirts. They’ll have ‘special training’

        1. avatar Tom says:

          …and child molesters for your kids…

  11. avatar carey says:

    … a gastro-intestinal event of SUCH magnitude …

  12. avatar O.N. says:

    Dig the mugshot photo. Aside from being an obvious Mensa candidate, he looks perturbed. What on Earth could justify such discomfort?

  13. avatar Chris Dumm says:

    When inmates smuggle things into jail, our local jailers call this ‘keistering.’ One lunatic had a 6″ folding knife, which seemed fairly impressive until I read this.

    And wished I hadn’t.

    1. avatar matt says:

      If you think this gun is impressive check this video out. Word of warning its NSFW and you’ll never forget the video for the rest of your life.
      http://1man1jar.org/

      1. avatar Adam Z says:

        Wow… When it first started, I thought I knew what it was going to be, but damn was I wrong! WHY anyone would attempt this escapes me. This guy probably ended up having some major problems later. To say that this is unsafe is a gross (pun intended) understatement.

      2. avatar M&P9L says:

        Why the hell would you post that? You like watching videos of guys putting stuff up their butts or something?

        1. avatar matt says:

          Why the hell are you posting in this thread? You like reading stories of guys putting stuff up their butts or something?

          Fixed it for you.

        2. avatar M&P9L says:

          Good job, internet tough guy. Nice to see you think on your feet.

          BTW, your the one who obviously searched out for that video and posted it here, try twisting it how you want, but your the disgusting one here

        3. avatar LostInPA says:

          @M&P9L
          +1, this vid that matt posted is utterly disgusting and shows that he must spent his lonely nights searching for videos of naked dudes shoving shit up their butts

          classic signs of a liberal troll. he’ll say this is him exercising his freedom of speech but we all know what is up

        4. avatar matt says:

          lol, wtf did you think it was going to be? In an article about guys shoving stuff up their butt, on a website called 1 guy 1 jar, when i said it was NSFW, and that you’ll never forget it? When other people say “When it first started, I thought I knew what it was going to be, but damn was I wrong”

          Its not like that video is even really that bad if youve spent more than a couple days on the internet.

        5. avatar matt says:

          Good job, internet white knight. Nice to see that you’ve never been to 4chan.

          BTW, your the own who obviously is feeding the troll, try twisting it all you want, but you keep on revisiting an article about guys shoving stuff up their butt, to argue with some guy the internet.

          Fixed it for ya! Don’t worry about it, you can thank me later.

        6. avatar BCM MIDDY says:

          I didnt know 12 year olds read TTAG, cuz they seem to be the only ones who look for vids of guys playing with their anuses and then basically copy other peoples responses to them

  14. avatar Frank Williams says:

    Gives new meaning to the term “shooting the shit.”

  15. avatar Coyote Gray says:

    Not so silent, but extremely deadly.

  16. avatar Joseph Hartwick says:

    I’m speachless….. just can’t imagine shoving that gun up there for any reason.

  17. avatar Marky says:

    What we all ought to be asking is, does he do this every morning before (criminal) work? It’s hard to imagine he had a premonition that he’d be pulled over that day.

  18. avatar LC Judas says:

    As today has already been a bad day I’m not as shocked as I could have been on a less shocking day. That aside…

    The market for stool softening agents now expands to include blow torches! I hope the guy at least goes with relaxed fit jeans when carrying concealed.

  19. avatar Wes S. says:

    His quick draw must have been a sight to behold.

    (Glad the eye of the beholder wasn’t mine…)

  20. avatar DDavis says:

    Talk about a high capacity magazine!!!!!

  21. avatar Varmint Hunter says:

    Mr. Ward told reporters that he had initially intended to shoot his way out of jail, but later decided against it after remembering his aim was shi**y.

  22. avatar Matt Gregg says:

    Now that is some serious CCW dedication. I’ve mostly given up on carrying a full size handgun IWB and here this gentleman is with that hogleg giving a whole new meaning to ‘deep concealment’.

    Bravo…

  23. avatar Bruce W. Krafft says:

    All I could think of when I read this story was . . . well, some background first: I work out at the Renaissance Festival and while after-hours is not as debauched as some people think, there is hanky-panky going on. So I was sitting in the back of the booth with my boss and a couple of co-workers, sipping good single malt and puffing on good cigars, watching a video when we hear another of our co-workers going upstairs with her latest boy-toy. Now, honestly, I am not a voyeur (or even an auditeur), but the floor is kind of thin, so we could hear, well, lots. So we turned up the volume of the TV a bit. Then we hear our sweet little teen-aged (okay, 18 but still strictly speaking a teenager) sweet little teen-aged co-workers dulcet tones saying: Stick it in my ass, NOW! and about 10 seconds later: Ow, OW, OW! Get it OUT! Need I say that more than one mouthful of good Scotch was suddenly airborne?

    So, all I could think of when I read that story was: Ow, OW, OW! Get it OUT!

  24. avatar Frank Williams says:

    This reminds me of a sequence from “Bad Wolf” in the first season of the new Dr Who, where Captain Jack runs into the future version of the gals from “What Not to Wear”…

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