I’ve got news for the NY Daily News: there’s no such thing as “bulletproof.” There’s bullet resistant. Somehow I think the paper’s resistant to that idea, as well. Writer Joanna Malloy’s got her tongue planted so firmly in her cheek it looks like she’s giving Peter North oral sex. “[Miguel Caballero] may have found the answer to gun violence – stylish clothing for men and women that is completely bulletproof. God help us . . . You can order your chic shields ‘mild’ – they’ll stop a bullet going at 1,120 feet per second, like a 9-mm.; a ‘medium,’ which they say will stop a .357 magnum bullet; and a ‘high,’ which Caballero claims will stop the fusillade from an Uzi. Best of all . . .
if you get shot in the first six months, which is becoming increasingly likely these days, Caballero will let you trade your purchase in for a new one! Only problem: Caballero hasn’t developed a kids’ line yet. With even 2-year-olds getting shot in New York City, we need bulletproof kiddie clothes.
It stops being funny when it starts being true. And it stops being true when New York City stops stopping its citizens from defending themselves against vicious criminals. Anyway, it’s worth a try.