TTAG Commentator James Felix put the following list at the bottom of Mr. Zimmerman’s post on President Obama’s executive fiat. [NB: nothing to do with Chrysler.] As the list forced me a Coke Zero keyboard wipe-down, I thought I’d elevate it to prominence here. Feel free to add your leftist lexicon below.

Assault Rifle: Any longarm that “looks scary”. These should be banned
Common Sense: Any law or regulation that will infringe on the 2A
Cop-Killer Bullet: Any bullet
Extreme: Any position on gun laws that is to the right of Fidel Castro

Gun: An inanimate object that nonetheless has free will and moral agency
Gun Show: A small, sovereign area wherein the laws of the United States do not apply
High Powered: any cartridge of any calibre that can be fired by an assault rifle (cf.)
Sniper Rifle: Any longarm that is not an assault rifle. These should be banned

66 Responses to A Brief Glossary of Gun Terminology (As Understood by Leftists)

  1. “Gun: An inanimate object that nonetheless has free will and moral agency”

    You forgot to add: and therefore should be banned.

  2. You forgot a couple…

    Assault Clip: Any device used to feed ammunition to a firearm with a capacity of greater than one round. These should be banned.

    Gun Nut/Loon: Any individual who is not of the opinion that all guns should be registered, tracked via GPS and a Microstamp, or destroyed. Anyone who fits this criteria should be forced to undergo a mental examination.

    Gun Grabber: Someone of the highest moral standing and intellect. Anyone who is graced with this title is of great enough intelligence that they should feel free to insult those who do not agree with them, as they are obviously idiots.

        • They are Cop Killer Bullets – don’t lose an opportunity to stroke fear so you don’t have to be rational

      • Magazine: Publication promoting the private ownership of murder machines (aka: guns) thus promoting right wing militias and the irresponsible belief that the 2nd amendment actually exists under the redacted sections of the liberal constitution. And therefore be banned.

    • “Someone of the highest moral standing and intellect. ”
      Actually it’s someone at least 60 iq points under Corky from “Life Goes on”.

  3. Don’t forget that guns are magical, too. But I guess that goes along with it having “free will” and “moral agency”, huh?

    I’m surprised MikeB30200 hasn’t said something in here.

    • Please, Rebecca, do NOT mention mikey. It’s like looking into a mirror and saying “Candyman” three times. The results are unpleasant.

        • Congressman Anthony Weiner just announced his candidacy for the 2012 Presidential election.

          His chances of defeating seated President Obama are not estimated to be good. Despite this fact, he has chosen Attorney General Eric Holder as his Vice-Presidential running mate. How this will affect Holder’s position in the current administration is unclear at this time.

          Weiner-Holder 2012.

        • Weiner is rising in the polls….Weiner can’t be licked at the ballot box…Can Obama handle Weiner in 2012?

      • N-n-n-no. Not “Mikey”. That brings Mike Teutel to mind (of American Chopper fame) who is a Good Guy, a White Hat. Our Mike is a Brown Hat. (Yes, I’m insinuating here.)

    • I put 5,000 rounds a year through one handgun or another for 40 years. What was the name of that medium sized city I have wiped out.

    • Tsk, Tsk. That is a gun-loon’s definition.
      Concealed Weapons Laws – Common sense regulations to limit the availability of firearms to anyone who needs one. See – “gun-loons.”

  4. I love the common sense definition. It always causes me to groan when the gun grabbers use it. It is so condescending – because the implication is that pro-2Aers are stupid, ignorant, uncivilized cavemen that have no sense.

  5. Thanks for the laugh, James. :^)

    (Why is it that gun owners are editorialized as knuckle dragging Neanderthals when it is the Leftists who are so clueless?)

    • I think this reflects their need for superiority as well as their intellectual dishonesty.

      As for superiority, by dehumanizing us down to cavemen, they feel like the civilized and urbane humans kindly condescending to show us the error of our ways. It reminds me of missionaries from developing countries forcing their culture on “poor savages.”

      As for intellectual dishonesty, their brains have to know in some corner that they are ignoring certain realities. They manage to blind themselves to any facts that undermine their position. They replace reality with their ideology. By dehumanizing us, they give themselves permission to ignore any facts we present. They can simply cast it aside as inferior because of its source.

      Maybe I’m giving them too much credit though…

  6. Automatic weapon – anything that uses an assult clip, these should be banned

    RPG – destructive devise available to Mexican Drug Lords at US gun shows or Bob’s Tackle and Guns, we don’t need to ban these just the gun shows and Bob’s

    • Oh, we can do better than that 🙂 :

      Barrel shroud: the covering we put over a dead gun before burial. Or crushing. Or shredding. Or melting.

  7. The shoulder thingie that goes up – The most dangerous attachment to an automatic assault weapon, these any thing they are attached to must be banned

  8. “Saturday night special” any handgun that costs less than your annual membership to NPR or the ACLU; should be banned.
    “assault pistol” any handgun that is not a SNS should restricted to law enforcement or private bodyguard
    “assault weapon” any weapon that has no legitimate sporting purpose; should be banned
    “legitimate sporting purpose” an imaginary activity believed to exist in the mind of dangerously delusional person; does not exist.
    “prohibited person” any person who has a dangerous and irrational desire to own a firearm
    “waiting period” the period of time a stalker or angry loner has to kill a non-gun owner who has belatedly discovered police don’t stop crimes they investigate them
    “interstate commerce” any activity or inactivity that occurs within any single state, the basis for federal regulation of guns, doctors or anything else
    “one gun a month” twelve more guns a year more than should legally be permitted to any person

  9. Common sense gun regulation = any gun regulation that 1. impedes the right of the law abiding to defend themselves and 2. makes no sense what so ever.

  10. Don’t they always say “high powered sniper rifle”? so high powered is basically anything more than a .22lr

  11. High powered sniper rifle, includes but is not limited to any item that is mostly gun shaped and fires a projectile (lead, rubber, plastic, paint) propelled by powder, compressed gas, spring or other form of mechanical motion. that is deadly and will kill on its own accord and must be banned, burned and confiscated at (minimal taxpayer cost) 1,107.54 per item to be paid from the Treasury general fund.

  12. Gun: An 18th century anachronism that has no place in a modern, civilized society.

    Gun Owner: Fat, white, male, racist, sixth-grade readin’, tobacco chawin’, pickup drivin’, beer drinkin’, butt-crack showin’, Bible thumpin, cousin marryin’, hayseed.

    • Cmon- you know the lefties believe in equal rights for the sexes. Don’t forget a definition of female gun owners. I’m NOT going to describe them- don’t wanna get shot.

  13. High Capacity: Any ammunition storage that holds more than a single round.

    Ammunition Cache: Possession of more than twelve rounds of one or more caliber.

    Massive Ammunition Cache: An ammunition cache consisting of more than 200 rounds of one or more caliber.

    Self Defense: The right to call upon the police to collect your corpse.

    • We have ~800 rounds of .22lr, along with ~150 rounds of 7.62x54R, as well as ~1.5k rounds of 9mm Luger. I guess we have a “massive ammo cache”. Doesn’t seem like enough, though.

      I have 3 magazines for my XD(m) of 19 rounds each. Two of those mags came with the gun. Apparently not legal in California. Margaret has 3 mags for her CZ P-01; they each hold 14 rounds. Not sure how California feels about that. Don’t really care; not moving there any time soon. Lived in San Francisco for about 6 months, which was about 3 months too long.

  14. One of my favorite terms used by the media is:
    “SEMI-AUTOMATIC MACHINE GUN”

    What the hell kind of firearm is that ??

  15. The funny thing is, we can poke fun at ourselves like this all day. When was the last time you heard of a gun grabber making fun of themselves?

  16. You forgot my favorite, the dreaded “Semi-Automatic Machine Gun.”

    (Oops, I see Dean had it already!)

  17. “Patrol Rifle” an Assault Weapon that has been blessed by the touch of an employee of a Federal, State or Local Political Organization and is no longer capable of killing anyone unless they fail to bow down and grovel.

  18. Loophole : Anything you are still able to do legally without government approval.

    Wild West: what happens on the southside of Chicago every weekend during the non snowing months.

    Innocent School Children: Youth who has a criminal record that’s 3 inches thick of arrests and convictions before the age of 16. But serves as an alter boy weekly and helps the elderly across busy city streets if ever discussed in front of a news camera.

  19. A Slightly Extended Brief Glossary of Gun Related Terminology as Provided by Leftists. (pt.1)

    Gun: any device which can expel anything by any means.
    Any symbol reproduced in any way, such as drawn on paper or printed on an article of clothing or apparel, which resembles any device which can expel anything by any means.
    Any substance, material or object which can be fashioned to resemble a device which can expel anything by any means.
    Any gesture made by use of hands, fingers, toes and/or etc. which can be interpreted to signify or resemble any device which can expel anything by any means.
    Any object which can be used to signify or resemble in any way a device which can expel anything by any means, necessarily including but not expressly limited to, a chicken drumstick.

    Assault Rifle: an evil weapon of mass destruction which cannot possibly have, or in any way be used for any purpose other than killing people, except when possessed by Law Enforcement, at which time it represents a benign symbol of the purpose of Law Enforcement to Protect, Serve and Provide Safety and Security and therefore becomes a ’patrol rifle’.

    Sniper Rifle: An evil weapon of mass destruction which has no purpose other than killing people, defenseless animals, shooting through bullet proof vests, Law Enforcement vehicles and downing aircraft, except when possessed by Law Enforcement, at which time it becomes a benign symbol of the purpose of Law Enforcement to Protect, Serve and Provide Safety and Security and is also called a ‘patrol rifle’ or in one rare instance, a ‘Counter Sniper Rifle’.

  20. A Slightly Extended Brief Glossary of Gun Related Terminology Provided by Leftists.
    (pt. 2 )

    Cop-Killer Bullet: any bullet possessed by any person other than a Law Enforcement Officer.

    High Powered Gun: any device which can expel anything further than the maximum distance necessary to poke your own eye out.

    High Powered Bullet: any projectile which, upon application of force can travel further than the total length of the barrel of the device from which it is discharged.

    Gun Show: A display of firearms and accoutrements by persons who are not authorized agents of government flagrantly exploiting a loophole in the rights granted to them by government. A place where all criminals go to illegally obtain Assault Rifles, Assault Clips, Assault Handguns, Assault Cop-Killer Bullets, High-powered Assault Primers, Assault Powder, Assault Cartridge Cases, Assault Shot-Shells, Assault Bayonet Lugs, Assault Collapsible Stocks, Assault Slings, Assault High-Powered Sniper Rifles, Assault Scopes and Assault thingys that go up.

  21. Extreme right wing milita group… Any person or group of persons that can recite the last 11 words of the 2nd Ammendment from memory.

    Muslim Extremeist… A made up term by extreme right wing milita groups to scare the general public (note, the current government has found no evidence to support the exsistance of any such group, Muslims being of the religion of peace. Ref: The stoning of saoriyia M., The 3rd jihad, sharia law Etc.)

    Gun banners… Any person or group of persons that know if an all out ban on guns were implemented all violent crime would cease to exsist. ( see Law of the U.S. Murder,Rape and Assult. Note; as of the writing of this no laws currently exsist in the U.S. covering the aforementioned crimes hence there exsistance)

  22. A Slightly Extended Brief Glossary of Gun Related Terminology Provided by Leftists.
    ( pt. 3 )

    Moderately Extreme. any person who believes owing a firearm is a right.
    Extreme: any person who actually possesses a firearm or is in any way, engaged in acts of importing, manufacturing, reparing, buying, selling, trading, collecting or gifting firearms, accoutrements or ammunition.
    Beyond-the-pale Extreme: any person in possession of, or has, in their home, their vehicle or on or about their person a Gun, who is not in Law Enforcement or in the U.S. Military under direct orders by their Superior Officer to carry a Gun and under combat conditions.

    Common Sense: A quality specific only to Leftists because it’s obvious to that no one else has it, and certainly no one who owns a Gun. Teaching Common Sense, pressuring legislators into enacting more Common Sense Gun Safety Laws is part of their mission in life, and it must be done for the Children.

    Keeping Guns out of the Wrong Hands: is Common Sense, and the Wrong Hands are anyone’s hands other than Law Enforcement and the Military under combat conditions.

    Gun Rights: Granted to government by Leftists and what the little people still have is a Rights Loophole until such time that further Gun Safety Regulations can be enacted.

    Reasonable Restrictions: “Mr. And Mrs. America, Turn Them All In.”

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