It’s no secret that the economy’s in the dumper. Despite years of stratospheric government spending, the unemployment rate’s still well north of nine percent. And that’s just the official statistic. Include the underemployed and people no longer bothering to look for work and we’re talking numbers that start with a two. But it’s time gun owners look in the mirror because they bear a large part of the responsibility for this devastating problem…

Despite massive investment in shovel-ready projects, the best government minds using the latest in Keynesian theory and central planning techniques haven’t been able to make a dent in the problem. In fact, it’s only gotten worse.

Many experts, including the President himself, have done what they can to find the reason behind the stubborn unemployment problem. And some prominent job-killers have been identified. For instance, there’s the pernicious advance of automation. You know…those virtual one-arm bandits of high finance, the ATM machines.

Then, of course, there are lazy world travelers. That’s right, spoiled convenience-addicted airport patrons resort to that scourge of idle airport cartwranglers everywhere, the roller-bag. And you just know that most of those job-sapping jet-setters are blithely rolling their way to and from private jets. Am I right?

What’s that, you say? You refuse put tellers out of work by using ATMs? And you won’t buy a bag with wheels on ethical grounds? Well, that social consciousness is certainly admirable.

But hold that smugness for a minute, Armed Intelligentsia members. You’re not blameless here. No, not by a long shot. It’s time you own up to the very real part you’re playing in keeping thousands of people in the unemployment lines.

That’s right. You’re a gun owner. And as gun rights and ownership have expanded, the violent crime rate has dropped. Significantly. Sure, you’re protecting yourselves, your loved ones and your property. You’re not letting yourselves be the victims of senseless street crimes, home invasions, armed robberies of businesses.

Sounds like a good thing, right? Well think again. All that sanctimonious self-sufficiency has cut down on the need for a lot of public- and private-sector jobs. Think for a minute about all those police officers, EMS workers and insurance adjusters who’d otherwise be drawing a salary. People who would be dealing with the aftermath of hundreds – maybe thousands – of crimes are, instead, collecting unemployment checks.

Feel good about yourselves now, gun owners? What’s it like living with the knowledge that by self-indulgently taking responsibility for your own safety, you’re helping to keep innocent people out of work and holding back the economic recovery?

So do us all a favor. Find the nearest buy-back program and get rid of those dangerous weapons. You’d probably only end up shooting yourself or having the gun taken away from you by a criminal anyway. Leave the responsibility for your protection where it belongs – with the trained professionals who know how to use guns.

You’ll sleep a lot better knowing every gun you get rid of is another job created or saved. And have a happy Independence Day weekend.

 

13 Responses to Selfish Gun Owners Killing Jobs. Something. Must. Be. Done.

  1. Dan, you know the sad part about this is that if Magoo doesn’t think you’re serious about this, he’ll not see the humor in it. I’m sure this sounds like a perfectly reasonable, rational argument to him.

    But it’s nice to have him comment. Otherwise, we all might begin to think that he (and others like him) are fictional creations, like Santa and the Easter Bunny.

    Just not nearly as fun.

  2. Don’t forget about all those independent wealth-redistribution agents our there. They no longer feel safe doing their jobs. What are they to do? It’s a sad state of affairs.

    • Hey, Charles, we should meet up at ATP sometime. I have range membership there. Free submachinegun rental!

  3. “the best government minds using the latest in Keynesian theory and central planning techniques”

    Ron Paul predicted that the housing bubble would cause “catastrophic damage” all the way back in 2003. There’s videos of it on youtube.

    Why didn’t any of “the best government minds” see it coming? Because they were using “the latest in Keynesian theory and central planning techniques.”

    Oh well, at least, recently, Bernanke finally admitted he’s clueless on why the economy is bad. Now if only all the other big-government morons would figure out they’re clueless too.

    • And Randian economist Greenspan saw it coming when? And he did not believe that bankers would be greedy enough to sink the economy for their own gain?

  4. I do all I can to support the gun, knife and ammunition industries…and the makers of zombie movies.

  5. Now I need a product to clean up all the sarcasm that dripped off of my screen. It has ruined the finish on on the table, and soiled the carpet. Who is gonna pay for this?!

  6. Even Paul Helmke is unemployed because of gun owners. But all is not lost. According to the Brady wingnuts, letting civilians own guns amounts to full employment for morticians. How’s that working out?

  7. What about the long time upstate NY (Remington?) and other New England gun makers who may either be put out of business or forced to relocate by asinine state and local regulations.

    Y’all gun makers will be most welcome in Texas!

  8. Sounds like a modern take on “A Modest Proposal” to me: I had to buy a can of Sarcasm Be Gone to clean up my poor crackberry. At least MY carpet didn’t get wrecked!

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