Remember when Michael Vick got out of the joint and wanted to
resume earning millions of dollars rehabilitate his NFL career? His handlers had the perfect solution. He’d partner with the Humane Society and travel the country telling America’s yoots about how wrong dog fighting and animal cruelty are. So now that Plaxico Burress has been sprung, where did you think he’d turn?….
DING! Give the cigar to the man with the pancake holster for guessing the Brady Bunch. That’s right. Rather than hooking up with Galco, Bianchi or another maker of fine gun-securing equipment, Burress’s flacks have him running into the all-too-willing arms of Paul Helmke and the rest of the Brady Campaign.
I know you’ll be surprised to learn that Plaxico’s had a jailhouse epiphany and will be dedicating himself to stamping out the scourge of gun violence. He also said this:
If you’re going to carry a weapon, make sure you’ve done everything properly, that you’re obeying all the laws or the rules of that state, and you know fully how to operate the weapon if you choose to carry one.
Amen. Who could argue with that? Of course, Helmke’s agenda will be a little more wide-ranging than simple compliance with existing laws. But Burress won’t care. He’ll be getting what he needs by covering himself with their fig leaf of respectability and being on the “right” side of the issue.
Next time, Plaxico, get yourself a good IWB holster. And stay out of NYC with your heater.