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I predicted that the Southern bad guys in the remake of Sam Peckinpah’s classic Straw Dogs would suffer from lax dentistry, substandard nutrition and a beer-fueled aversion to spending eight hours a day working on their abs. Silly me. Jack Black is the only non-buff guy in Hollywood and, hang on, what an inspired piece of casting that would have been! Never mind. Amoral packed-up southerners vs. a couple of wimpy Yankees. Until they aren’t. The North will rise again! A fully functional Jaguar E-Type, a bear trap and some close-in shotgun work is all the incentive I need to re-mortgage my house at the candy counter.

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