“There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for,” the Center for Disease Control assures. “Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.” Geddit? We’re the CDC and we have a sense of humor! All in a good cause; to help spread a serious message about preparedness. Yeah? Well, I’ve got a semi-serious question for the CDC: what about guns and ammo? Their four-step plan says nothing about eliminating the undead threat. And in the same way, what about firearms in a real emergency? Of course, that would be a little much for the CDC, whose anti-gun stance is well-known. So a word in your ear guys: AR. Red dot. Head shots. Spare mags. Real emergency? .22 So now you know.

11 Responses to CDC Zombie Info Forgoes Firearms

  1. Now we’re talking! Make sure to have the machete ready as you reload-just in case. And if you get bit…sorry dude… Now, where’s Mila Jovovich?

  2. Just finished the training film “Flight of the Living Dead.” Now to watch “Night of the Living Democrats.”

    • “Now to watch ‘Night of the Living Democrats.’”

      I started to watch it, but it was just too frightening. So I turned on “Night of the Living Republicans” and fell asleep out of boredom.

        • Expanding on the democratic zombies, I have a theory that the violent weather as of late is caused by Al Gore. Furthermore, Gore is actually a mandroid built by a vengeful Jimmy Carter.

  3. Taking a break from such a serious subject to watch “Grizzly Man”, about the hippie who lives among the bears to “protect” them. Then they eat him. Then I laugh my ass off. By the way, there are actual Zombie Hunter patches (and Who Would Jesus Shoot) available if anyone is looking. I put mine on base ball caps.

        • You have to check it out,Ralph. The guy is obviously high, goes on a rampage on film going “F U wildlife control”,etc. One part they interview his parents, who admit he had a drug problem.

  4. After all the public attention created by I Am Legend and Zombieland, I’m truly disappointed that he CDC dropped the ball here. We all know they’re anti-gun, but there is no excuse for their failure to even mention zombie defense weapons and tactics.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *