W.S. Gilbert (of Gilbert & Sullivan fame) once opined, “There’s humor in all things.” Not the least of which is the demise of Osama Bin Laden. But as funny as some of the pros have been on the subject, the Great Unwashed is not without comedic skill. Witness the comments over on Google Maps, for those that have added “reviews” of the Osama B&B over Pakistan way. To date, there are over 1,300 comments. Here’s a few of the funnier ones:

Namal ‎ – May 7, 2011
too much noise at 1am in the morning! It was abbottabad as it could get!

Mark D ‎ – May 7, 2011
Wanted to see part of the British Empire. Found the appropriately named “Abbottabad,” a quiet town 30 NE of Islamabad. Owner seemed to hold a grudge against Americans but nonetheless gave me a room. All was good until some other Americans dropped in during the night. They didn’t seem too happy. Started shouting and then started shooting up the place and then left in a big hurry. Went to complain to the owner in the morning but was informed that he was on a scuba diving vacation somewhere in the Indian Ocean.

Michael ‎ – May 7, 2011
Limited activities, spacious rooms; includes human body shields and goats for your pleasure.

Radek Hradil ‎ – May 7, 2011
NO internet, NO heliport, staff AGGRESSIVE on landing after curfew + U have to carry ur GARBAGE back with you. Stayed 1 night only, not coming back. US NAVY Seals

Brian Thompson ‎ – May 7, 2011
Came to see Pakistani Military Pride March. Parade was right down my street but couldn’t see over the high walls. Nice place but a bit stuffy. Felt like some dirtbag had been flopping on the lobby couch for a few years and hasn’t ever left. There was a staff of like 22 people but seemed to keep to themselves. With all those people you think they could clean blood stains off carpets. The fresh spring air of town was overpowered by the burning garbage pile in the patio area. The “ghetto birds” kept me up late into the evening.

Settled down after the room next door played some crazy war video game for about 40 minutes. The zipline was ok but the front desk recommended doing the newest attraction, something about getting wrapped up in a white sheet and jumping into the sea from a helicopter. Its creating a big splash there. That final morning before I departed I had a splitting headache that felt like I had a hole in my head. The place made me wish I had just stayed at this wonderful cave in beautiful Tora Bora that I had stayed at before I got here. Crap!!! I just realized I left my laptop there. Maybe they can send a courier to return it to me.

Ed ‎ – May 6, 2011
When I set up the reservation, they told me they had an arrangement with the local authorities to ensure peace and quiet. I get there and there are reporters swarming all over the place, along with about a thousand cops. I just kept driving.

Keith ‎ – May 6, 2011
Great location. Food was good and service was great. Nice to get away from TV and internet. The early morning wake up calls can get annoying. Must be near an airport. Kept hearing helicopters. I would visit again.

ts ‎ – May 6, 2011
This by far the worst live action Clue game i have ever played! No bodies, and no professor Plum, So not worth the 200 Million rupees! Do not waste your money.

Allen ‎ – May 6, 2011
This delightful and modestly fortified B& B on the outskirts of Abbottabad features a convenient helicopter landing area – easy access for the on-the-go tourist. High walls for squash/racquetball practice and reduced shrapnel damage. Get away from the hustle & bustle – no cable or internet! Lots of room for your personal couriers, multiple spouses, and trusted hench-persons. Room service staff can get you in and out with minimal collateral damage. Firearms, ammunition, and sample sized pyrotechnical chemicals available in the courtesy bar . Dress is casual, body armor recommended. Ritual trash burning ceremony performed by staff on Tuesdays and Saturdays – not to be missed!

john ‎ – May 6, 2011
My only issue was the bar tending staff. I asked for an OBL – bartender was puzzled. I told him it was an Osama Bin Laden. He asked me how to make it. I told him two shots and splash of water. He did give me a warning though – I suppose about the quality of liquor in Pakistan – he said the two shots would go straight to my head.

tozefs ‎ – May 6, 2011
Lousy room service; ordered fresh Maine lobster but instead I got seals from Afghanistan. Fail.

Jack ‎ – May 6, 2011
This place was awful. The service was terrible. It was like the waiter was hiding in the back of the restaurant the whole time. He was not shaven and he looked like a cross between a dirty wizard and a homeless Santa. They have no music and all the woman in the place were very quiet or maybe mutes. Lastly, make sure you get a seat in the corner because when I was there 6 seals and a dog came out of no where and stormed through the restaurant.

SC ‎ – May 6, 2011
SO I was staying in Abbottabad last week, because the Marriot was too expensive for a college student’s budget. This is a very nice spot to just get away from it all, with no annoying phones to bother you. At first, I wasn’t too keen on burning the garbage in the backyard, but eventually the smell grows on you. The walls block out any scenic views, but the barbed-wire artwork more than makes up for it. My neighbor had been staying here for the last few years, I think his name was “Sam” or something. For some reason, he hated when I hummed “Party in the USA.” Not a Miley fan, I guess. My one complaint is when I came back from a really late night on the town. Security was nowhere to be found. I went inside, and it sounded like a really loud Call of Duty session. Very unprofessional. Some guys broke in and jacked my computer. Worst, they don’t clean up after themselves. Man, I could really go for a swim right now.

 ‎ – May 5, 2011
As one of Osama’s 72 virgins, I pleaded for him to use a proxy while he went on facebook to post a status. He simply laughed and mocked women’s rights. Look who’s laughing now. Well played, sir, well played.

aldo-cella ‎ – May 5, 2011
Off the beaten path. If you like seclusion, then this is the place. Slightly off the main drag of Abatabad. Great views of the mountains but you have to go to the roof to see them. The walls are like 18 ft. or something. The turn down was subpar. The sheets had stains on them and the walls had holes in them. The staff seamed a little shell shocked and were very skidish. The continental breakfast non existant. We will never come back here. Thanks Hotels.com for the reservation. On the plus side, it was cheap and the virgins were cool.

George ‎ – May 2, 2011
OK place to stay for the price. View lacked a certain je ne sais quoi (as in no windows), but overall not bad for peace and quiet even though people drop by now and again. Am only giving it a 2 star, because no Internet, really? Felt like living in a cave.. and there wasn’t even an escape tunnel! Worse place to play hide and seek.. kids hated it. Who builds a hideout without one? to top it off Navy SEALs last night were noisy. Clearly they didn’t like us since we didn’t get a helicopter ride (kids HUGELY disappointed), and weren’t invited to their bon fire…. saw the fire, but could only find marshmallows, and nutella.. no smores. staff nowhere to be found… could’ve killed someone!

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7 Responses to Sunday Morning Funnies: Osama Bin Dyin’

  1. Turns out that it’s not 72 virgins or 27 Virginians, it’s 72 vegans. The food in Paradise must really suck. I mean, once you get there you’re all dead and stuff, and you still have to worry about cholesterol? What’s that about?

  2. Have you heard the one about OBL and his first night out in jannah (heaven)? He went to ‘Pizza Hermit’ and ordered a ‘Bacon Bomber’ pizza – well anything is allowed in paradise. The waiter, black and with eyes like pearls, delivered the freshly-made twelve-incher and OBL asked if there was any olive oil. “Sure” said the waiter and rapidly returned with a bottle marked ‘extra virgin olive oil’. OBL looked a bit taken aback and the waiter asked him “what’s up Bin man?” and OBL said quizzically “does this mean I get 73?”

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