Time and time again I meet guys who harbor a secret, dormant love of guns—but don’t shoot. The reason? “My wife doesn’t allow guns in the house.” The easy explanation: they’re pussy-whipped. In truth, they all met their wives after they’d set aside their firearms fascination for the single-minded pursuit of business success. Guns were not in play during their courtship. No gun ownership ground rules were established. They ended-up raising a family in a gun-free liberal enclave. One more thing: they’re all married to extraordinary women. Smart. Funny. Passionate. Beautiful. Loving. OK, the guys are pussy-whipped. And? Love conquers all. Or does it? Would you sacrifice your guns for the love of your life? I sense a romantic comedy coming on, with the wife becoming a pistol-packing mama. Meanwhile, spill . . .

40 Responses to Question of the Day: Could You/Did You Marry/Date Someone Who Didn’t Like Guns?

  1. I have slooooowly been getting my wife interested in shooting. She now wants to go with me to the range and try shooting. Now I have to buy a .22 for her to learn with. Oh No! 😉

  2. No gun-play during courtship? How disappointing!

    Seriously, I would accept her beliefs while secretly planning a war of attrition. Love and time indeed conquer all.

  3. Gunplay is part of courtship, and a healthy part of the “got your back, in times of need”. Or something to that effect!

  4. My wife and I met while in college. At the time my interests were elsewhere, have never been a hunter. We married built a house started having kids etc (the American dream). At that point I started thinking about safety and security. She was adimate against it having been taught by parents that their gun was off limits. Fast Forward 5 yrs. After years of debating I finally said tough stuff I’m buying it. After being called obsessive, extremist, and rediculous she has now calmed down. I have my CHL and she has accepted the fact that I carry. Since she wasn’t keen on it I did not disclose when I was and was not carrying (which was all the time except when prohibited). To the recent past. Bump her with but of gun in children’s clothing store, no mention. Get pulled over on trip, disclose carrying to officer by law. I was waiting to hear it after that one, not a word about either the carry or the ticket. Walk into a conversation she was part of at my kids gym. Her comment to a friend of hers who just disclosed she has a CHL. Point to me and says he does too. Incident with friends boyfriend when sharing a hotel suite that I was forced to intervene. She tells friend after incident, “I am surprised that he did not grab his gun.” Slight confused look by friend. “He always carry’s a .45”. I was surprised that she knew that much even though I had mentioned what I carried in the previous conversation in front of her. Now the last step is to get her to the range and raise my 3 kids in the gun friendly bias’.

  5. Wife’s cousin married a marine. She grew up semi-Brady. Thought she was going to keep his out of the house. Quite laughable. Started to gripe to me about his sabre’ on display in their apartment. My response. “Get over it.” He is a marine, you knew this going into it. The sabre’ is symbol of Honor and Pride.
    She is now fine with his sabre’ and his guns.

  6. My wife is not fond of them but she has accepted and never says anything. Even allowed the boyz to purchase a handgun each a couple of years ago. Under Dad’s CCW of course.
    She has shot, does not enjoy it.

    She realizes the importance of the 2nd Amendment and understands what it means.

    Now my sisters on the other hand…socialist, leftist anti gun………..bleh….

  7. Negatory… I don’t throw my gun hobby in their face, but I don’t hide the fact I go trap/skeet and to the shooting range. I don’t even ask if they want to go until they begin to show some interest on their own… and in general, I’d rather not waste both our time going to a range if they’re gonna freak out when the gun goes boom (which has happened before). If they start spouting the typical Brady crap, I’ll try to explain things to them calmly and reasonably (and always in a lower tone of voice). If that doesn’t work, I look for an out.

    Anyways, I’m a homeowner with my own gun safe and requisite man cave. Any future wife/love can have both of those when they take it from my cold dead hands.

  8. No, no, and NO!

    While conflict is a part of every relationship, some battles are better off not being fought. Fighting, physical or verbal, inherently sucks, because you have to do work and you feel bad sometimes. Life’s a party, as much as you want it to be. Why sully it with trying to convince your SO that it’s worth it when there’s a million other things that are MUCH MORE FUN than, hm, ARGUING?

    A new study just came out that shows that breaking up hurts a lot more than losing a friend (well first of all no shit sherlock.), better to lose a friend than a loved one.

    So all I do during a date is that I drop hints about me hunting with my friends. It’s a good screening question that allows me to determine whether I should ever see her again as a potential SO or even a friend.

    • That’s a great idea. Nothing like gunfire to break the ice, then a low-key meal – I love it! Does it work?

  9. In courtship my wife knew I had, and liked firearms. She knew I carried as well. But she did not express a strong dislike for them until several factors changed her mind. First, a close friend from high school shot himself in the head. Second, her sister pulled out her husbands revolver and threatened him in front of the kids. Third, I took her shooting… I spent a long time on gun safety and operation where she felt really comfortable with it. At the range, 1 round loaded… bang… repeated 5 times. She got the hang of it, so I loaded 3 rounds this time. On her first shot she got a bullseye, and was so excited that all the training I gave her went out the window as she turned around in excitement. Well when she turned around, the muzzle went with her and pointed right at my chest with her finger still on the trigger. I didn’t overreact but I calmly and quickly moved to point her back down range. It wasn’t a big deal to me, just a point to reinforce gun safety. Once it dawned on her though, she broke down crying at the range with the thought that she could have accidentally killed her fiance.

    For her, that was a traumatic event… on top of the previous events… on top of the liberal media… now my gun ownership is a very VERY touchy subject, with many arguments as a result. Time and patience will hopefully win in the end.

  10. When my wife and I first got together she wasn’t against guns, but she was definitely apprehensive about them. It took a little while to convince her that I knew what I was doing and yes, it is perfectly safe to have a handgun by the bedside. After awhile she started warming up to the concept of self defense and learned how to use all the guns I own. She’s realized she wants to do anything she can to protect herself and more importantly, our two girls.

  11. I love my guns and no one will ever change that. One of my sisters is fine with any gun, but the other two are commie sympathizers.

  12. It is pretty well advertised to people I know that I am gun guy. People around me know this, and certainly my mother who is super-hardcore New England liberal. Gun in the house? No way. But two years ago I got my mom to hold up a S&W and squeeze off a few rounds. We had a family reunion at the time and I convinced all the relatives to come to range with me. We rented a handful of weapons and because it was a family event my mom said she would come and not shoot. After seeing my newly taught 12 year old cousin plinking very well (she had a great teacher), my mom said “Fine, gimme a gun.” She finally did it. One round. That was it.
    Now my mom comes to the range every once in a while, and she does ok. Not to get to Oedipal over here, all relationships are the same in this same basic way. Never have an agenda, don’t try and persuade, but exhibit through personal behavior that gun stigma is all phoeey. Let him/her make the decisions and don’t make them think eny better or worse about their decisions. And don’t give them a .45 for their first round ever. Made that mistake once.

  13. I think, (in general), anyone taking a scared newbie to the range for the first time and having them shoot a handgun instead of a low-powered rifle is doing it the wrong way. When showing someone how safe and controllable guns can be, I don’t think it’s the best idea to put a hand cannon (even a 9) in their hand. imo.

    Anyway, for guns in the home, while I can understand a person keeping their guns out of sight and locked up to appease their better half, I think not having any at all is not showing your love for them because what will you do if something happens and you really need one? Fire extinguishers are kept out of the way and will probably never be needed, too, but you still have them.

  14. A friend of mine married a very cool young lady who was sort of reflexively, generically anti. My wife and I bought them a shotgun as a wedding present. Despite her initial protestations it went over well, and she has since been out with us on several occasions and enjoyed it, even with the bruised shoulder.

  15. In college I dated a girl who was initially so terrified of guns she wouldn’t enter a room she knew had one in it.

    By the time our intimate relationship ended she was competing in action pistol matches (IDPA didn’t exist then) twice a month.

    We’re still friends and any time she gets a “new” gun (she’s taken up collecting older guns) she calls me to tell me all about her new find.

  16. Robert:

    I am going to stand up for the pussy whipped man. My dominatrix (and former CIA Case Officer) is well armed and awsome with a whip too!

  17. It’s funny how many of the people you insult and demean are happily married our in relationships.

    You just keep using words like “good sense” and “sensible”, but those don’t really mean what you think they mean. Or are you going to bother backing up this round of stereotyping with… anything?

  18. My wife took me shooting on our second date. I knew right then and there that I was going to need a whole lot more range time before I’d get the nerve to ask for her hand. She cooked dinner for me on the third date and I knew I’d better get things moving before someone else grabbed her first. She’s given me four beautiful Texas daughters and none of them are afraid to defend themselves with a firearm. What more could a man ask for?

    • “What more could a man ask for?”

      Well, her maiden name could have been Ruger. But that’s all I can think of right now.

  19. “Of course, that’ll leave most of you out in the cold. A sensible woman would run for the hills at the first utterance of the likes of Joe Matafome.”

    Robert, I’m surprised that you let comments like this fly. I know I’ve had comments that were far less insulting removed. If you’re going to be heavy handed, fine. Just distribute evenly please.

  20. I’m single. Again. I’m on a couple of dating sites. I posted that pic you see of me as “007” on the sites as well as on my Facebook page (“captaindigital,” if you’re interested). Why? Because it tends to weed out the anti-gun women before we even talk. Interesting, most of the women I’ve met fall into one of three categories: “I own guns for self-protection,” “I grew up around guns and don’t have a problem with them,” or “I think guns are great, but I know nothing about them…will you teach me?”

    On the other hand, before I started putting my pro-gun views out there, I dated a couple of women who were anti-gun. It did not end well. They were unwilling/unable to discuss guns. To say that they had their minds made up would imply that at one time they considered other sides to the issue.

    I’m convinced that “gun ownership” is one of the cardinal issues in any relationship, along with “religion.” “finances,” “child rearing,” and “sex.” No matter how you feel about these issues, if your beliefs don’t either agree completely or strongly overlap, you are setting yourself up for a divorce.

    Ironically, “gun ownership” was one thing my ex and I agreed upon completely. I found that it’s not enough to save a mariage.

  21. Dated a woman that was and still is anti-gun politically, but has enjoyed every range session we’ve done – go figure.
    For dating, they have to be at least “neutral” on the gun subject.
    For marriage – comfortable with having them in the home is a bare minimum, and of course I’d prefer someone that would actually enjoy going to the range.

  22. My wife and I discussed many things before we got married but we didn’t talk much about firearms. The time we were together she didn’t criticize my firearms hobby at all. She would not, however, participate with me firing guns, going to the range or anything like that. It worried me that she wouldn’t learn to shoot because she was defenseless when I wasn’t around.

    Ironically, like so many things in life the stuff I worried about was meaningless when the stuff I couldn’t possibly have foreseen ended our marriage.

    My next wife (I hope I marry again) will be well aware of my love of firearms before we are married. For good or bad. The guns that is, not the marriage.

  23. I got mine to backoff by quickly acquiring about 30 weapons; started reloading; cast & lube my own boolits; and bought “decorative” weapons.

    She now has a CHP and collection of pink guns.

    If you you delve into it forcefully and without remorse you will find out quickly what the future holds. Personally there are some things you just have to do. Having a ridiculous gun collection forces other people to like guns, or surrender. Spread the love… Be a conqueror….. Shoot.

  24. My wife would not be OK if I got rid of my guns. Something to the effect of “How are you going to protect us?”

  25. My guns are non-negotiable.

    I put adequate hints into the dating profiles I used, and brought the subject up casually at an appropriate time to gauge the reactions. I never argued about the subject, and never compromised. I explained who I was and what I believed and made it clear that it was the woman’s job to decide if our views were compatible.

    Luckily I only ran into one rabid gun-hater, and I jettisoned her promptly. Most of the time it was a non-issue, and that’s in a very blue state.

  26. I have been very happily married to the same woman for what will be 18 years in August 2011.

    Let me put it this way. There are more than five guns in our house that she calls “hers,” and several more guns which are called “ours,” which really means hers, but she lets me shoot them sometimes too.

    If I were single and looking, rejection of firearms and shooting and the 2nd Amendment would all be instant and complete deal breakers.

    Life is simply too short to spend with someone who would be totally opposed to something with which I am so involved.

  27. I have a CCW permit but no gun. My wife is anti-gun. She grew up in a house without guns, and as a doctor has been scrubbed in on operations on people who died on the table of gunshot wounds. I’ve taken her shooting a couple times and she enjoyed it but she is adamant about no guns in the house. So, I’m still working on it…

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