Ten Gun-Oriented Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza Gifts I’d Buy

Merry Insert Your Choice of PC Holiday Greeting Here! ‘Tis the season for gunmakers to clear their warehouses of thousands of low-priced, non-firearms line extensions that should have been gimmes, but aren’t. From branded hats to branded bags to branded hats. Fortunately for their cash flow, there may be a gun or two under the tree or near the menorah. (Especially near my menorah.) I want to buy my gun pals gun gifts, but most of them suck. So here’s my list of gun-oriented Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza presents that I wish they’d sell. But don’t. For some reason . . .

Birchwood Casey “Dirty Bird” Polo Shirts that produce a splatter of white upon bullet impact, at a price comparable to regular shirts that only produce a splatter of red. Perfect for range wear!

The Sturm Ruger Cougar Lugar – the RCL — is a 9mm pistol designed to empower saucy older babes to subdue virile younger men, whether or not they attack. The hard shooting RCL packs lighter than any younger model and is much noisier, too. Also makes a perfect gift for Mother’s Day!

Hornady Critical Defense Multivitamins. Powerful tablets that penetrate deeply and expand into all your vital organs.

HKS Trojan Speedloaders. Clinically-proven safe for the enthusiast. You’ll reload and reload and you won’t even know you’re using them! Twelve to a box.

The DeSantis Belly Band Holster & Tummy Reducer tones and tightens while it conceals all your unsightly bulges.

Eagle Grips make it a cinch to grasp your Eagle. Johnson Grips make it a cinch to grasp your Eagle, too.

Carry the new Taurus Judge, Jury & Executioner and teach those robbers a thing or two about Brazilian street justice.

Smith & Wesson Oil is a delicious, heart-healthy gun lubricant. Great on salads, too!

The Colt Pacemaker is a perfect replica of the original that kept hearts thumping in the early days of the West. Single-action only, so buy one for each ventricle.

The Gunslick Pro Universal Bore Guide has up to date, detailed information on bores and how to avoid them, with an entire chapter on mikeb302000! Keep one in your range bag at all times. Bore sight extra.

comments

  1. avatar Rocky L. says:

    This cracked me the first time I read it. I love your articles Mr Ralph, sir. You are my favorite blogger (is that proper term?). It’s funny that your named Ralph becuase when I read your articles I can hear the voice of adult Ralphie (Jean Shepherd) from A Christmas Story, in my head. I look forward to reading more of your gun reviews. Merry Christmas to you and yours.

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