The other night, I caught the last half of the latest Punisher flick on satellite. It was possibly the most graphically violent movie I’ve ever seen. The special effects guys when into some kind of orgy of exploding squibs and blood packs, with countless faces blown away by virtue of automatic weapons, shotguns, and some kind of fist shield that allowed Frank Castle to put his fist completely through a bad guy’s face with a single punch. Let’s just say that this movie made Saving Private Ryan look like Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.
Then, lo and behold, the next morning I saw an article on Cracked.com about 15 Unintentionally Perverted Toys. Number One with a Bullet (no pun intended) was a Punisher Shape Shifter Crotch Rocket. Sometimes, there are not words…
Apparently, some genius thought it would be a great idea to develop a doll that could be transformed into a gun. Um…not so much, apparently. And it looks as though nobody really thought this thing through, or at least by the time they did, they were too far down the manufacturing road to stop. Here’s what the toy looks like in the gun configuration:
Is that a rocket in your ass or are you just glad to see me?
Nine out of ten proctologists recommend the Punisher gun.
I Pop a cap in your ass? Howzabout we pop a cap FROM your ass, huh?
could go on (and on…and on…) but you get the picture. What moronic, developmentally-arrested ass-clown green-lighted this toy? I mean, really! A gun that shoots darts out of the figurine’s ass? Oh, and if you watch the video, you’ll see that the toy is…um…very…well, uh…limber. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.
Can’t wait to see what else they have in mind for the other Marvel superheroes in this line. And to think, at one time I believed the whole concept of an “Erector Set” was a sniggering, inside joke on us all.