This is one of the porno— I mean promo posters for a forthcoming Lindsay Lohan vehicle called Machete. Well, of course it is. And you’ll forgive me for saying I suspect that Ms. Lohan can no more steer this vehicle than her Mercedes after she’s had what the Brits call “a skinful.” Hey! That’s rhymes with “sinful.” And nuns are into sin. Apparently. There. I’ve squared the circle. Other than mentioning the fact that licking a gun barrel can lead to lead poisoning and telling you why this image makes you uncomfortable (think Linda Lovelace), my work here is done.