I know. That doesn’t sound right. That’s bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang. You know all those TV shows where one detective turns to the other and says “This was personal.” Like that. Not to belabor the point (much), but what must the victim’s body have looked like after taking twenty-nine 7.62x39mm bullets? Swiss cheese is the joke answer. An unimaginably horrific mess is the correct one. So, the facts: on Feb. 19, 2009, Cecil “Joe” Erb shot Jeffery Watson Sr. 29 times with an SKS assault rifle as Watson sat in his pickup a block from Walmart in west Greeley (Colorado). Now, the explanation. “In opening statements Thursday,” TheTribune reports, “prosecutors and defense attorneys told wildly different stories.” Ya think? Here’s the 411 . . .

Defense attorney Steve Doolittle said Erb was attacked by the victim earlier that morning. Doolittle said Erb was awakened at his home that morning by a noise outside, went out to investigate and was shot at by the victim, who then ran from the house. Erb then got in his car and drove to Watson’s house, according to the attorney. “Joe wanted to talk to Jeff Watson and reason things out, and he brought along his rifle for protection.”

Doolittle said Erb drove to Watson’s house on 46th Avenue Court and pulled his car next to Watson’s pickup. Watson got out and walked to Erb’s car. “Jeff Watson said ‘You’re a dead (obscenity)’ and punched Joe Erb in the face,” Doolittle told the jury. “Joe was scared for his life … he knew it was kill or be killed. So he pulled the trigger until there were no more bullets.”

Alternatively . . .

Prosecutors allege that Erb, 28, and his girlfriend, Georgia Watson, 45 — the victim’s former wife — killed Watson to collect $100,000 in life insurance. Georgia Watson has been charged with conspiracy to commit murder and will go to trial Sept. 20.

Occam’s razor that bad boy.

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